Tuesday, February 25, 2014

2/25/14: The Bachelor - Ep 9

In my best Oprah sing-songy voice:
IT'S TIIII_MMME!!!

This is the night we have been waiting for!!!  "The Fantasy Suite had turned into a nightmare" -- YESSSSSS!!!

Ok, we'll go in order here.  First FS date went to Clare - she showed concern for accepting the invite only because of how JP reacted after they "swam" in the ocean a few weeks ago, but JP changed his tune and while that was inappropriate behavior , having an overnight date alone with no cameras in the hotel room is perfectly fine.  Um, ok, no mixed signals there.

Clare needs to stop with the duckfaces:

Although, JP seems to think that is the only way to pose in a selfie -
 
I really dislike everything going on in those pictures ... but clearly JP and Crazy Clare are a match made in heaven.

Moving on, we had Andi's date.  JP thought that was a huge success, while Andi thought the exact opposite.  She called him out to the camera for being self-centered and rude, and is embarrassed it took her this long to see his real self.  Hands down, smartest chick this season!  She has to wait to talk to him until after his last sleepover with Nikki.  We'll cover their date quickly to get back to the good stuff :)

Nikki and JP went horseback riding and continued to tell the camera all of the most important qualities they are looking for in their future spouse: good kisser, sexy, and nice to people.  While those definitely help with the attraction and it's always a bonus to not be a bully - I wouldn't say those are my top 3 concerns when choosing a life-long partner.  But maybe my priorities are just wacky.  Nikki showed up in hippy-dippy palazzo pants and a Pocahontas bikini top.  It all kind of looked like jammies, and not at all appropriate for their activity.  She finally told JP she loved him though, all the while he was tracing her face with his fingers and rubbing her earlobes like I rub my dogs when I'm trying to get him to calm down and go to sleep. Again, why so touchy JP??

Ok, back to the reason I stuck with this season so long: the Fantasy Suite that turned into Mortal Kombat.  She respectfully told him how his words and actions made her feel, and he totally dismissed her with a "That's fine" and "It's ok". Clearly it isn't fine if she's this upset, and telling her that she barely made it to this round is no way to dig yourself out of this hole.  You got here by default.  Never were more romantic words spoken!  (it's opposite day)  Oh and apparently he can get out of any wrongdoing because English is his second language.  There are some things you can pass off as lost in translation but being a jerk somehow is understood in all languages.

Andi brought him to task on his egotistical and belittling behavior, but he clearly didn't get it.  She asked if he knew her religious beliefs, political or social views, etc and he said no.  She continued, and he interrupted her asking "What religion do I practice?"  She slammed back without hesitation "Catholic." Well look at that, she knows you but you have zero idea who she is beyond how she looks and how you physically feel about her.  And you kept talking about her in third person -- she's sitting right there, you can say "I like you" instead of "I like Andi".  Idiot.

Clare and Nikki showed only 30 seconds of concern that Andi left and gladly accepted his final two roses.  No further tears were shed, but Chris has promised there will be at the finale (dude, you better be right!  I want to see this blow up in his face!!!)

Clearly I don't think he's a good guy - my hunches all season that he's a playboy looking for lust not love are proving accurate.  I cannot wait for the Women Tell All next week, and my hands will be raw from all the maniacal rubbing I'll be doing a la Mr. Burns while waiting for Monday to come.

Excellent.  See you next week!

Tweet of the week:
I think this is the best segue ABC has made yet - way to plug your new show!

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