6/24/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 7

VENICE IS THE MOST ROMANTIC CITY IN THE WORLD.  Or at least that's what ABC is pushing us all to agree with since Andi declared it about 10 million times last night and some of the gals guys were saying it too.  I can appreciate the beauty without having to agree with her, yes?  I mean, bird feces isn't exactly my idea of romance:

We start with a 1:1 date with Nick V. aka Lithgow because Andi has some lingering doubts about him - maybe that we all suspect he's a serial killer in waiting?!  I think it's the way he stares at everyone, with his head tilted down and peering at you as if he were wearing glasses but isn't.  And he always sounds like he has something in his mouth - overly spitty like he's juggling some marbles a la My Fair Lady.  In case you couldn't guess, I really don't like him :-P

Next we went on our group date which brought the guys to a very old building to take lie-detector tests.  We found out that Dylan doesn't like to wash his hands, the Bachelor Farmer Chris is the secret admirer, that all of the men have passed gas in public, and that none of them can understand Italian accents.  The question was "Have you ever fought in public?" not "Have you ever fart(ed) in public?"  Given their collective lack of testosterone at least this made them all sound like tough guys and not just dudes with uncontrollable flatulence.

Pew.

Dylan left after his questioning because he had a tummy ache.  Apparently he took his mime training very seriously from last week because he felt the need to point to his ouchies instead of using verbal ques (aka WORDS).  From there we cut to a very uncomfortable sauna view of Cody and Nick - the tension was palpable if you know what I mean.

The last one-on-one date went to Cody aka Cupee.  He was pink with barely controlled glee at having some time alone with his best gal.  They joined the Juliet Club in replying back to some desperate pleas for help from strangers writing to a fictitious woman.  In his cutaway interviews he started tearing up - why, I have no idea.  Alarms starting blaring as he hit Stage 5 Clinger at dinner; gushing about how he can't wait to bring her home and is so excited about their relationship, etcetera.  Andi cut him off, pulled out her crocodile tears, and sent him home.  "I'm SO surprised!!" said no one.

Throw in some obligatory gondola rides and you're all caught up.  On to the rose ceremony!  I was really distracted by Andi's racer-back sequin dress so only caught the gist that Lithgow is solidified as the villain this season (why does anyone see him as a threat??), and J.J. is a very sore loser.  I expected him to cross his arms and pout on the walk out to the exit limo, but I happily settled for his tears.  I really am evil, aren't I?  Meh, you probably knew that already anyway ;)

We are whittled down to 6 as we head to Brussels next week!  Josh M. wants everyone to know how smart he is by toasting "To Belgium!"  Apparently he's not just a pretty face - there are some brain cells firing up there too!

See you Monday :)

6/16/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 6

Good evening friends!!  It felt like a month since the last regular episode, but we finally get back on this train to find our one true love.  While everyone else in the world is wrapped up in the World Cup, I'm siding with this girl:

At the risk of offending some of my favorite people, I really don't care about soccer.  Go Brazil/Spain/America -- whatevs, it's not hockey so it's not on my radar. And what is soccer without Beckham?!  Psh, you lost any hope of making me a convert the minute he retired.

We catch up with our Bachelorette in France.  She apparently doesn't have any love for CT: "Marseille is so romantic and the perfect place to fall in love."  Hold the phone, you're telling me Connecticut isn't?  Snob.

Andi speaking French: "She my pal Andi" which is supposed to be "Je m'appelle Andi" ... she should have just said NO when Harrison asked if she speaks any French.  This is why they hate Americans!

Time for our first commercial break; lo and behold it's our first dose of Suave!  For those that haven't been watching this season, Suave is a major sponsor of the Bach franchise and every episode this season has provided us at home with some invaluable tips (and totally insightful conversations) on hair care -- brought to us, of course, by show alum.  We've been forced to watch as Des (the last Bachelorette), Catherine (Sean's wife), and DeAnna Pappas (from like 8 seasons ago) get their hair styled for some nonexistent date with their men.  Tonight did not disappoint - we saw Catherine and Des keep Andi company for her spin in the beauty chair.  Of course she was all giddy talking about how she might be engaged the next time she sees these gals, and Des tried to muster up every ounce of genuine support she could to say "Congratulations".  It doesn't touch my heart as much when spoken through clenched teeth, and I sense her thoughts were "my wedding better air before hers does".  LOL

While Josh is on his date we find out that batgirl Andrew is not only a gigolo but also a bigot.  I am wringing my hands in anticipation for how the girls guys will confront him with this.  I can picture his incredulous stinkeye now and je tiens à le frapper (beat that, Andi!).  But let's not get ahead of ourselves, back to Josh's date.  They boated around Marseille and had dinner at Palais Longchamps.  After dinner we're all forced to sit through another private concert. For those following along that's 3 already this season and we're only on episode 6 (5 if you don't count which last week which we don't). I still don't know who these singers are but he kind of looks like Jef with One F from Emily Maynard's season.  Good to see him again, he took Anal Emil's cue to earn some coin from the show when their relationships didn't work out!

Moving on we have our group date.  She makes the guys be mimes in the middle of the city.  'Nuff said - this is terrifying:

This is what nightmares are made of.

I.HATE.CLOWNS.  And mimes are the jailbird cousins of clowns, so I hate them too.  So creepy.

Man drama at the group date cocktail hour with confrontations between Lithgow and Cupee Doll, and Batgirl and Marquel.  Andi has intuition for tension:

She confronts each guy and gets to the bottom of the issues.  Summarizing it up Batgirl basically said he wanted to go home, Lithgow was totally FML on the entire date, and J.J. cashed in and got the rose.

Time for Basketball Brian's 1:1 date.  They watch a movie and try to cook frog legs for dinner -- it was so boring to watch and Andi is really hot and cold with this guy.  Moving on!

We are forced to skip the cocktail party to watch Josh Grobin push us to watch ABC's new show "Rising Star".  I don't get the new show and I don't care to.  So dramatic about watching a tv screen rise up on stage?  What??  We did get a sneak peak of "Bachelor in Paradise" though!  This show looks amazing - major train wreck disasters!  If there is enough interest I could be persuaded to add that to our blogging repertoire. LMK

Back to the show.  Tonight brought some shakedowns/shakeups (I could go both ways with it).  Andi did some soul searching and decided to make some serious (ie 3) cuts.  Tonight we bid adieu to the following: Patrick, Batgirl Andrew , and Marquel.  Just when Marquel started to wear suits that matched he gets sent home (did anyone catch his checked shirt with floral tie, and then a pocket square with colorful squares all over it???  That stuff does a number on my eyes and I couldn't take anymore of that.) Marquel didn't seem surprised, neither did Andrew - but Patrick cried.  The streak is not broken yet :)

To close I feel the need to catch everyone up to speed on Andi's catchphrase:

STAHP!  See you next week where we are heading to the sinking city of Venice.  Bring your waterwings!!

6/9/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 5

Hello fans!  Tonight was a 1-hr special episode recapping the season thus far (which, if you've been watching you shouldn't need a recap) but we also got to see the rose ceremony from the week prior where Tasos got sent home.  In short, Lithgow Bogarted time with Andi and ticked off the rest of the guys.  Oh and Tasos made his sad face again:

Ah well, time for Andi's BFF to go home so she can mack on her men :)

See you next week!!

6/2/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 4

Ok we pick up where we left off last night and our travels have expanded beyond California.  No, we aren't going to Europe or Asia, but we are going to Connecticut!  The travel budget keeps getting lower and lower this season.  Think they took the Greyhound there?

We arrive in CT in time to see 9 guys crammed in one bathtub cheersing their arrival.  I don't get what they're so excited about - maybe geography wasn't their strong suit in school.

Date card arrives!  Dylan gets a one on one.  Andi and Dylan rode a train, had dinner on a train, and Dylan made Andi cry with his story of loss.  Why is there always someone who is an emotional wreck on the show?  I feel like these are people that need to see a therapist before they go on a dating show where the odds are incredibly high that they will lose something again.  Their psyches are a little too fragile for a situation like this.

Anyway, next we have a group date with 10 guys including the Cupee Doll, Maude, No Lip, Lithgow, and Andrew the vampire bat:

The date has the guys playing basketball against some of the premier women players in the country, and then splits them off to battle each other.  We have our teams: The 5 of Hearts vs The Rosebuds.  I'm loving the sense of humor the producers are continuing to show with the hi-jinx and inside jokes.  I think I'd rather be on the former - aw yeah especially because they are the winners! Coach Brian carried the weight of the Rosebud team to a W and these 5 get to spend extra time with Andi.

Andi's observation of Coach from the sidelines: "He looks hot."  Yes, I agree - he is sweating a lot.

The defeat for the 5 of Hearts is palpable.  Maude is crying in a cubby, Tasos is trying to comfort everyone with how much they tried, and Josh M. is just pissed.  He is cursing and sulks off to the court to relive his heartache.

Dramatic sad face at losing a fake game :(

Time for drinkies!  Andi is wearing a pleather dress with chrome stilettos and bestows a rose to Coach for dazzling her with his half-court shot skills.  I guess that's hard to do - but it's not my thing so I'm not very impressed.  #don'tcare

Another 1:1 date!  This time for Marcus.  He has strange teeth too, so if they end up together they need to invest in the dental+ plan for orthodontics.  For their date they scale down the side of the guys' hotel building.  Andi is freaking out, and so is Marcus.  He tries to help her:

Marcus' advice: "Trust yourself.  Andi, trust yourself."  Uh, I'm pretty sure the problem isn't her trusting herself, it's trusting that skinny a** rope to hold her up.

Marcus: "If I need to be the man in this relationship and hide my fears I will do that."  Um, if you need to be the man?!  If that has to be a conscious choice you are voted off the island, go home.  Their conversation down the side of the building is reminiscent of a suicide helper line convo - "Tell me about your mahjong playing grandma.  Oh, she golfs too?  Swell."  They survive and there is a sign of relief.  Well at least until they go to the evening portion which involves more random live concerts.  Marcus is falling in lurv with Andi, which seems a little premature.  Ah well, MOVING ON!

Andi receives a love letter from a secret admirer - which on a show about competing for love doesn't make much sense to stay a secret.  But there's no time to dwell on that, it's time to get our drink on at the cocktail party!

Marquel is teaching Andi how to do headlocks, Tasos is dreaming of planning her wedding and is a great girlfriend checking on her emotional well-being, and then Eric swoops in out of nowhere and calls her a TV ACTRESS!  Whoa - he got real quick.  Earlier Andi said she felt like they were stalled in their developing relationship and that he wasn't being real with her; so to turn the tables he comes flying from left field to tell her she's fake.  Her reaction:

And now we know when Eric got sent home.  Yikes, someone get Tasos a paper bag - he is about to hyperventilate because he can't handle the emotion.  I totally think Andi overreacted, but clearly she lost the spark with him and he with her so this was just a fun, crazy way to watch it end.

Oh geez, Chris Harrison is now dedicating the last 10 mins of the show to Eric in lieu of a rose ceremony.  Oy, not to sound insensitive but thank goodness this is the last we'll see/hear about Eric -- I can't handle this anymore.

Ok, let's pull it up a little.  Chris just dropped knowledge that Tasos was sent home at the rose ceremony, and we have teasers about next episode: mime lessons in Marseille, Cupee Doll puts his angry eyes on, and Vampire Bat cusses out Marquel.  So much man drama - and we have to wait 2 weeks for it!!!  That's not fair :(

If you're like me you will find solace in watching "Mistresses" -- I missed a lot at the end of last season, so I'm off to find those episodes online.  See you soon!

WTF?!

I like to get my news from a variety of sources, ranging from CNN, Kare11, People and TMZ.  I feel this makes me more well-rounded on both the celebrity scene as well as the real world you and I (usually) dwell in.  Come to find today that the crazy creeps in to even the most legit places.

Fresh from the pages of Kare11 today, we have one bride who has completely lost her mind.  Hopefully Child Protective Services RSVP'd "yes" to these nuptials:

http://www.11alive.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/06/02/bride-wedding-baby-gown/9859839/

In case you made just a cursory glance at that twitpic, that is a real live baby being dragged along for the trip up the aisle.  The older gentleman to the right seems to be making a double-take at that poor infant, and his thought bubble hopefully reads the same as mine: "Is that a baby?! Is she out of her damn mind??"

Samesies, kitty

Had I not known better that Kimye got married last weekend, I would have thought that was North riding the coattails of her mom ... oh wait, that's the entire Kardashian clan!  There is no wedding train big enough for that ...

6/1/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 3

Happy Sunday, y'all!  We check in a day earlier than usual as we have a 2 PART SPECIAL going this week!  Woo!!  We start with Andi in Santa Barbara at the Bacara resort (which my two favorite TV people, Giuliana and Bill, were at 2 weeks ago too!) where the gents will meet her for dates.  Let's get started!

First date: a 1:1 for Nick V. aka Lithgow.  We were beaten over the head with how "normal" her date with Nick V. was -- saying it about 20 times in the whole 3 minutes we actually saw of their date.  Going to the beach, going on a hike, then having dinner at a courthouse is super normal.  WE GET IT.  Move on to other small talk topics.  Andi was the interrupting cow (moo) on her date with Nick while (moo) he was talking about his past (moo) relationships -- ANDI: stop interrupting!  (moo).  They ended their date with a kiss that was all too loud - ish.  Tell the audio guy with ABC to turn their mics down during those scenes.

Next is a group date that has our unlucky guys once again humiliating themselves on television.  This time they are singing with Boyz II Men !!!  I will reiterate: for all you teens and 20 somethings I get that you don't know who these guys are, so just watch the cute, middle aged R&B singers perform.

Boys II Men circa 1996ish - such baby faces!

Bradley sounded like a Disney character singing a song about making love (creepy), Josh was nervous - though he is so cute he just needs to stand there and flash those pearly whites, and Andi turned the lyrics into a spoken-word poem.  Gotta say that I'd much prefer that over the dying cat parade of all the dudes collectively trying to sing that song.  OW!

My sentiments exactly

Final date is awarded to J.J., delivered to him in the hot tub, where he was soaking with 2 other dudes. Mr. Becky walked by the tv at this moment and said "Why are there 3 guys in a hot tub together?"  That's a fair question as we wonder who some of these gents are really here to see: Andi or Chris Harrison? (if you catch my drift...)

But let's go on our date with Maude (given the fabric choices for his pantaloons, I like this name for J.J. better).  Andi and Maude got made up to look like old people - complete with wigs and liver spots.  Apparently all old people to them have voices that sound like they've had a beer helmet filled with whiskey and a carton of Pall Malls every day for 50 years.  Andi felt closer to Maude by the end of their date and we got the warm fuzzies with roses all around.

Sadly we saw Ron leave tonight - he had a friend pass away unexpectedly and he chose to leave to head home and focus on his real life.  He was one of my favorites so far, I'm bummed to see him leave.

Let's go to the cocktail party.  Eric's soundbites really need to be better edited as my dark side is creeping in too much.  First episode he was talking about how his documentary will take him 2-3 yrs to complete, and my first thought was "well, that's what you think".  EVIL.  And then tonight Eric said to Andi he was really thankful for his date because, with Ron's departure, he was reminded how little time he has to get to know her.  And my thought to that was "you got that right, buddy!"  PURE EVIL.  I can't help it, and I feel bad, so need ABC's help to stop pitching those at me.

Cocktail Party highlights:
- J.J. and Josh M. confront Andrew at the party about how he was scamming on some restaurant hostess last week and got her phone number - scandalous!
- Nick V. had flowers delivered to Andi (is that possible?  I thought their money/credit cards were confiscated and put into storage like the President...) interrupting her chat with Eric

In addition to Ron we said goodbye to Brett and his mullet, and Bradley the opera singer.  No big losses here, and I chuckled that Bradley was crying.  Where is Sharleen when you need her??  BTW Andi looked lovely sporting the 2014 Pantone Color of the Year "Radiant Orchid":

Let's end tonight with some random thoughts:
- J.J.'s pajama pants are ultra mod - I'm pretty sure that fabric was used to cover davenports in the 60s
- Cody the Cupee Doll looks like Sean Lowe's ugly twin, including the shared love of deep v-neck tees and their ultra blonde eyebrows (why do pale brows bother me so much??  Dye those things, they are unsettling to look at)
- Tasos is capable of a full spectrum of emotions in the span of 10 seconds:

Sad Tasos ... or is it high Tasos?

Happy Tasos

Looking at Tasos' sad face gave me the munchies, so I will sign off to go grab some yogurt.  See you tomorrow night for part 2!