2/25/14: The Bachelor - Ep 9

In my best Oprah sing-songy voice:
IT'S TIIII_MMME!!!

This is the night we have been waiting for!!!  "The Fantasy Suite had turned into a nightmare" -- YESSSSSS!!!

Ok, we'll go in order here.  First FS date went to Clare - she showed concern for accepting the invite only because of how JP reacted after they "swam" in the ocean a few weeks ago, but JP changed his tune and while that was inappropriate behavior , having an overnight date alone with no cameras in the hotel room is perfectly fine.  Um, ok, no mixed signals there.

Clare needs to stop with the duckfaces:

Although, JP seems to think that is the only way to pose in a selfie -

 

I really dislike everything going on in those pictures ... but clearly JP and Crazy Clare are a match made in heaven.

Moving on, we had Andi's date.  JP thought that was a huge success, while Andi thought the exact opposite.  She called him out to the camera for being self-centered and rude, and is embarrassed it took her this long to see his real self.  Hands down, smartest chick this season!  She has to wait to talk to him until after his last sleepover with Nikki.  We'll cover their date quickly to get back to the good stuff :)

Nikki and JP went horseback riding and continued to tell the camera all of the most important qualities they are looking for in their future spouse: good kisser, sexy, and nice to people.  While those definitely help with the attraction and it's always a bonus to not be a bully - I wouldn't say those are my top 3 concerns when choosing a life-long partner.  But maybe my priorities are just wacky.  Nikki showed up in hippy-dippy palazzo pants and a Pocahontas bikini top.  It all kind of looked like jammies, and not at all appropriate for their activity.  She finally told JP she loved him though, all the while he was tracing her face with his fingers and rubbing her earlobes like I rub my dogs when I'm trying to get him to calm down and go to sleep. Again, why so touchy JP??

Ok, back to the reason I stuck with this season so long: the Fantasy Suite that turned into Mortal Kombat.  She respectfully told him how his words and actions made her feel, and he totally dismissed her with a "That's fine" and "It's ok". Clearly it isn't fine if she's this upset, and telling her that she barely made it to this round is no way to dig yourself out of this hole.  You got here by default.  Never were more romantic words spoken!  (it's opposite day)  Oh and apparently he can get out of any wrongdoing because English is his second language.  There are some things you can pass off as lost in translation but being a jerk somehow is understood in all languages.

Andi brought him to task on his egotistical and belittling behavior, but he clearly didn't get it.  She asked if he knew her religious beliefs, political or social views, etc and he said no.  She continued, and he interrupted her asking "What religion do I practice?"  She slammed back without hesitation "Catholic." Well look at that, she knows you but you have zero idea who she is beyond how she looks and how you physically feel about her.  And you kept talking about her in third person -- she's sitting right there, you can say "I like you" instead of "I like Andi".  Idiot.

Clare and Nikki showed only 30 seconds of concern that Andi left and gladly accepted his final two roses.  No further tears were shed, but Chris has promised there will be at the finale (dude, you better be right!  I want to see this blow up in his face!!!)

Clearly I don't think he's a good guy - my hunches all season that he's a playboy looking for lust not love are proving accurate.  I cannot wait for the Women Tell All next week, and my hands will be raw from all the maniacal rubbing I'll be doing a la Mr. Burns while waiting for Monday to come.

Excellent.  See you next week!

Tweet of the week:
I think this is the best segue ABC has made yet - way to plug your new show!

2/24/14: The Bachelor - Ep 8

Happy Monday!  I come to you from the sick bay at my house to talk El Bachelor.  This week we have hometown dates, so let's dive in!

Nikki's family seemed nice.  Her dad asked her job-interview style why she thinks JP is The One for her, she answered diplomatically and passed his test.  She still hasn't told JP that she loves him, which to me means in her gut she really doesn't -- but we'll see what happens.

Next we go to Atlanta to go the shooting range and meet Andi's family.  First, you really trust this dude with a gun??  JP needs a Speak 'n Spell to get an entire sentence out in English, but sure - let's give him a loaded weapon.  He only hit the target once so I don't recommend bringing him hunting because you're more likely to end up like Harry Whittington than coming home with your 10-pointer.

Ok, now Andi's family.  They all have unique names and seem super real (and scary).  Andi's dad, Hy.  And her brother-in-law, Ailli (Alien? Run that by me again?)  I think they're all in witness protection, her dad totally gives mafia vibes.  Hy enjoyed his steak while shooting major sarcastic eyes at everyone else around the table.  Her mom made JP and Andi do a little salsa for her, and the look on her face was giving me this internal dialog: "Dance, my puppets!  Dance!" 

And yeah, Hy totally would kill JuanPabs if he hurts his daughter:

 I'll hold the shovel, Hy!

Next was Renee's family.  Her son is adorable, and we got to see him play a little league game (no other parents seemed to be present, but I don't blame them - most teams in that age-group don't even keep score and "everyone is a winner" ... please, there are winners and there are losers.  Let's be real about life folks).  Ahem, sorry - that slipped out.

Moving on, Renee also loves JP but also held back from telling him.  Should mention that so far Andi is the only one that isn't in love with him yet, which just proves she has a few brain cells left.  That's about all that happened at Renee's house - so let's leave FL and head west to Cali.

Clare. The same bipolar feelings I had for JP I have for you too - your stories about your dad are really sweet (like borderline sickening), but then you can be batshit cray.  She seemed pretty regular on her hometown date with JuanPabs, and she has a really big family with tons of sisters and one brother.  Bro didn't get any air time, he was just there for some added testosterone - but her sisters did.  They seemed sweet as well, except for Laura.  She was a troll and totally wears the pants now that their dad is passed.  She took the role of family bouncer, and did so while looking like a cranky bullfrog (she was wearing green!  That is in no way reference to her looks ... no sir).  I got the same saboteur vibes with her as we got with Des' brother last Bachelorette season - that didn't end well for her but maybe JP is clueless enough to not pick up on that stuff.  Her mom is adorable, and whadyaknow Clare was telling the truth when she said she had Hispanic roots!  JP seemed to be totally infatuated with Mama too - so Clare best watch herself, there's a cougar in the house!

Footnote: the way Clare's sisters kept saying "Mama" totally syncs up with the movie that was on PBS Saturday night after Antiques Roadshow.  "Mama - I'm pretty" I bet that's what Clare said after her makeover (she looks nothing like her sisters, and barely resembles her mom ... can you say plastic surgery? HAHA)

Ok, rose ceremony: no surprise here Renee got cut.  She's totally too good for him except for thinking JP is normal, so I say she hit up Match.com Sarasota style and find a new man!

Tomorrow we go to St. Lucia for Fantasy Suite dates.  Everyone is crying except for him; of course his usual face is this:

Is he happy? Confused? Constipated?  We will find out tomorrow!

PS - this tweet totally has me wondering if this was Juan Pablo's strategy this season for choosing his "love":

I never thought about like that - but YES!!!  That makes so much sense now!

2/18/14: The Bachelor - Ep 7

Hello everyone!

This is getting published a week late because I've been sick for what feels like forever.  Started with a cold last week (thanks, sis :-P) and now is either a strain of strep or croup -- great.  Either way let's just say I'm luck I've been able to work from home a few days last week, so creating a Bachelor post was the last thing on my mind (sorry).

Last week we FINALLY got to see Sharleen send herself home, and Chelsea/Chelsie (sp? I can't remember) got the boot too.  The 4 "lucky" ladies with hometown dates are Nikki, Andi, Clare, and Renee. 

Nikki got a 1:1 date that took her to Cameeelaaa's dance recital - where not only JP's parents were but also Baby Mama.  She is so pretty it's not fair to the rest of us normies - but man does she have a bitch face!  This totally gave the vibes of a power struggle between the exes - JP's all like "hey ex, look how hot my new girl is!  And this is just one of 5!! Ay yi yi!"  Ex GF looks at Nikki like "I can take you, watch yourself."  Nikki is oblivious and instead seems jealous that Camilla gets to eat Cheetos and she can't.

Clare and Nikki got into a catfight at the hotel - someone felt wronged and disrespected by the other; Clare tried to kick Nikki out her room on the grounds that Nikki didn't pay for it herself (um, Clare - I hate to break it to you but you didn't pay for it either.  Sit down and shut up).  Clare is uber jealous and Nikki knows Clare is crazy -- nothing earthshattering there.

Other than that I can't say much about last week except JP can't seem to hold himself upright -- on every date he managed to lay down and snuggle with every girl.  I still don't think he has had a long conversation about anything "essept" how great he thinks they are and how attracted he is to them.  Ay yi yi - can we have a real chat about the future/values/morals/parenting????  No?  Okay then, just lay back down and kiss.  Good boy.

Ok, kids - I'll catch you next week.  According to the teasers there is some serious hulabalu about to hit the fan about Juan Pab's bedroom escapades on the show.  Mr. Becky!  Get the popcorn ready, this is a 2-night event and we'll need A LOT to get through it!

See you Tuesday :)

2/11/14: The Bachelor - Ep 6

Happy Wednesday, ya'll!

I am a day late in my weekly recap, but had technical difficulties recording Monday's episode so had to watch it online last night.

Ok, I need to start by saying that my virtual relationship with JP is turning bipolar.  One minute I am ready to throttle him; the next I find my cold, bitter heart starting to soften.  I will explain further below.

We start by winging our way to New Zealand, which looked really similar to Montana (except for the amazing waterfalls).  I don't know what I was expecting, but it was something a little more tropical and exotic, versus drizzly and northwoodsy.  But I'm just talking here, I've never been to the land down under so wouldn't have the first clue what it's like; maybe they were there in the rainy season (cheaper travel costs, I'm sure - everyone has to cut corners sometimes, even ABC).

Andi gets the first 1:1 date where they ride in a boat and then wade through some cold water before just happening upon a lava-heated waterfall.  I still don't think these two have had much conversation time, you can't really hear anyone over the noise of a boat engine, and the rest of the time they are making out.  But JP is really into her, dropping ay yi yi! every two seconds.  She gets a rose after getting drenched by a geyser in a very poorly placed dinner -- I think the producers are getting as bored as we are and want to play some practical jokes on these folks just for giggles.

Group date goes to everyone else but Clare (oh, joy) and they find themselves rolling down a hill in giant hamster balls filled with water.  Sounds great!  NOT.  I think I'd end up vomiting all over JP - but he kinda has that coming so I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.  Our Lothario somehow managed to get some lip time in these balls, so a few imaginary points to him this week for being that coordinated. We also find out in the closing credits that they had a sheep poop fight. I don't think there is anything I need to add to that. (WTF?!)

The group date cocktail hour got weird.  Sharleen seems so uncomfortable in her own skin and how "inorganic" this process is that JP has no choice but to give her a face massage to calm her nerves:

Ok, so he really was just trying to be romantic and get all "handy" when going to kiss her, but how weird is that??  Dude likes to touch their faces and hair A LOT.

Renee the House Therapist was there to cry with Cassandra about being a single mom, and Cassandra got sent home on her birthday.  She didn't seem that sad, though - maybe it's because she's still only 21 (!) and realizes she has a whole lotta time to find a husband. 

The last 1:1 date, as mentioned, goes to Clare.  They go on a picnic, talk about their ocean frolicking again, and end up in his hotel room in sweat pants dancing.  This is where my irritation with JP got swayed to the dark side once more - he looked so cute just chilling on the couch and dancing with Clare.  It's getting obvious that these crazies are well-suited - so to hell with it, she has my vote!

Sidebar: To visit my points of irritation briefly, here is a small but comprehensive list -
1. JP doesn't know what a lot of common American/English phrases mean.  Two examples:
A) "bolt" (figuratively to high-tail it out of a situation);
B) "frazzled" (out of sorts). 
These women are constantly having to play the role of Rosetta Stone for him.  Dude, you've lived in America for like 20 years - surely you've heard these phrases somewhere along the line?!  GAH. Someone get him a pocket translator!
2. He likes to play with their hair and rub their faces (exhibit A above with Sharleen).  For how much time it takes me to get my hair decent looking I really don't want someone mauling it around - especially if I was on a date on TV.  Keep your hands to yourself, man (in more ways than one).

Back to the episode, sorry for my tangent.  Rose Ceremony time!  He managed to kiss just about all of the remaining women, except for Kat who told a really sad story about her alcoholic dad being passed out.  Therapy time; quick - we need Renee STAT!  It came down to Chelsea and Kat, and Chelsea's wide-eyed enthusiasm won him over (she's like a baby deer discovering the world for the first time - hate it).  Bye bye, Kat - I'm not very sad to see you go.  She had an odd shaped head and looked like Stephanie from Full House.  "How rude!"

Next week we're going to the exotic land of Miami! Pounding the home turf of JP we'll see how these 6 chicks do with his family. We're teased with Sharleen still not knowing if she even likes him and are left on the edge of our seats hoping and praying she sends herself home (don't let me down, woman!)

P.S. - Tidy Cats (Ep 1) got their wish - since Kelly left and took Molly the Dog with her, it's time for our feline friends to get some air time:

2/4/14: The Bachelor - Ep 5

Hello hello!

As mentioned last Tuesday, the troop of instability traveled to Vietnam this week.  Renee got her one-on-one date FINALLY, but still didn’t get kissed until the rose ceremony; Nikki got the other 1:1 where they rappelled down a cave; and the rest of the team went on the group date.  The group date had them riding in bamboo saucer boats, where our frenemy Clare used her lack of house-friends to score alone time with Juan.  As Dog Lover Kelly put it:

Love!  I’m going to miss her (spoiler) – she had a really sarcastic sense of humor that was just what we needed each episode!

The group date turned into a one-on-one again during the cocktail time when JP ditched the other 7 chicks and brought Clare to his suite to swim in the pool.  I’d like to know how long they were gone for, and why none of the other ladies got up and left.  I would have totally peaced and gone to bed.  After the group date, Clare returned to JP’s suite at 4 AM to go swimming in the ocean.  We’ll leave the rest of the details out due to NSFW reasons, but suffice it to say her eyebrows were waggling even more after.  Highlight: Sharleen’s weird metaphors: “I need to know that he sees me as a panda in a room full of brown bears.”  I give her 2 imaginary points for her offbeat animal reference that queued a presh mental image - because, really, who could resist this:

D’AWWWW!!!  GIMME!  Good tactic, girl – go for the totes adorbs angle J

Alright, let’s get to the rose ceremony: JP made Clare cry – he regretted their ocean activities and tells her he wants to respect the other women and his Cameeeela more than that.  He’s about 12 hours late with that declaration, and she’s in a downward spiral from there on out as she can’t understand why the light of day has changed his mind.  Her feelings are hurt, but who am I kidding?  No one there, or in my house, cared.  She should know better than to give the milk away for free on TV.  Meanwhile I’m left wondering if her limo entrance was foreshadowing of things to come (is 4 weeks enough time to learn if she gets pregnant???)

All in all we said goodbye to Kelly the Dog Lover and all her comical relief, Alli the Nanny, and Danielle (who got zero air time – was anyone surprised to see her go?  No.)  Next week they are traveling to New Zealand.  We’re teased with waterfalls, hot air balloons, Clare being confrontational, and Sharleen wanting to go home.  I hope this all happens in one episode, that would be amazing!

1/28/14: The Bachelor - Ep 4

Happy Tuesday!

First, I just want you all to know how dedicated I am to bringing you accurate recaps and score updates each week – my hubby and I only have one car, he is working the evening shift now, and so I had to leave home at 7:45-8:40 to pick him up from work last night.  To ensure I didn’t miss one (albeit rather dull) moment, I webcam recorded the show while I was gone and watched it after we got back (note to self: must add DVR to our next Xfinity upgrade).  I have a promise to uphold to you all, and I don’t take that duty lightly.

Alright, let’s get back to the regularly scheduled programming.  We started the evening with our beloved Chris Harrison telling the ladies they had 1 hour to pack their crap as the show was going on the road!  SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!  First stop: Seoul!  Fake-Babybump Clare: “I don’t even have a kimono!”  Uh, wrong country sweetie.  Here is some recommended reading for your flight: http://www.ehow.com/info_8554752_differences-clothing-japanese-traditional-clothing.html

We started with a  group date that had all attendees posing as the back-up dancers for the K-pop group 2NE1.  Kat mistakenly thought she was on “So You Think You Can Dance” while Nikki would rather have had emergency surgery than be there.  But, they all did their best and had a GREAT TIME!!  I love how 2NE1 didn’t even explain to the mall crowd who the random Americans were dancing behind them, they just instructed the crowd to clap for them.  HAHAHA  ah well, Korean doesn’t seem to be in any of the ladies’ language repertoire so they were none the wiser J

The 1:1 date went to the ever-awkward Sharleen.  She doesn’t emote very well, and seems really uncomfortable around JP - or any other human, really.  They sampled some local market food, and JP made her sing the scales for him (apparently that isn’t a first date kind of thing for her, she usually saves that for the 2^nd date.  She could have saved it for never IMO).  She then proceeded to tell JP that she’s never really considered having children or a family, but he appreciated her honesty and gave her a rose.  Maybe he had momentary amnesia and forgot that he has a daughter?? … this ought to be interesting!  I would like to request that ABC not show these two kissing anymore – it’s one of the weirdest, grossest things to watch.  I won’t go into detail, but in your down time from home feel free to YouTube it if you’re curious.  Take my word for it, though – EW

The last group date had the team exploring more of Seoul, including fish pedicures and eating octopus.  We find out later that the octopus made Clingy Clare throw up in her mouth a little, but that she choked it all back down.  Hope she brushed her teeth or at least gargled some mouthwash before smooching JP at the cocktail party.  Blech.  Lauren S. tried to kiss JP at the group date, and was denied in a major way!!  I don’t know if they have actually ever talked, so I can’t blame him for being a little scared that this relatively unknown chick comes at him with lips puckered.  Poor girl, she was awash with regret immediately and proceeded to cry and make him even more uncomfortable.  I love watching men’s reactions to seeing girls cry – they get flustered and panic trying to get it stop.  Classic!

Clare is getting progressively clingy and jealous, so it’s just a matter of time before she has a meltdown.  Get the popcorn ready for that one!  I’m wondering if Clare knows Tierra from Sean’s season – they both have really intense eyebrow curves that makes me uneasy.  It’s the one above her left eye I don’t trust – it’s steadily creeping toward her hairline as she steadily dials the crazy up:

And Tierra for reference:

Maybe it’s a coincidence, maybe they have the same eyebrow shaper – we may never know. 

At the cocktail party Nikki and Clare got into the most quiet confrontation ever – they exchanged what felt like whispers about how Nikki acts different around the other girls than she does JP.  Well, last I checked Nikki wasn’t trying to woo any of the ladies in the house so that’s understandable.  Clare told Nikki her behavior didn’t warrant a rose, and Nikki calmly reminded her she’s not the one who decides that.  BOOM!  I mean boom!

On to the rose ceremony: Among all the stone-cold faces staring down the firing squad of roses was one girl that wouldn’t let the odds get her down: Elise.  That girl had her pageant smile on the entire ceremony.  And … oh, good grief, she really is a pageant girl:

Can I call it or what?!!

With that lacquered grin I wasn’t surprised that she smiled on her way out.  It didn’t even fade when she hobbled across the stone courtyard in her sky-high heels – not gonna lie I was hoping she would fall down or twist her ankle … it was late and I was getting sleep-grumpy, what do you want from me?!

Oh, I guess I jumped the gun there – well anyway Miss Philadelphia International was sent home as was unrequited-kisser Lauren.  JP spent nary a second mourning the loss and moved on to telling the ladies their next destination in this international adventura for amour: Vietnam! 

Tweet of the night:

Sooo romantic!!  J/K I’ve heard that Vietnam is a beautiful country, so I can’t wait to see next week’s episode!

This concludes week 4! 

1/21/14: The Bachelor - Ep 3

Hello hello!

We spent half of last night’s episode crossing our fingers that Chelsie would jump off a bridge.  Whoa, that sounds really dark – sorry, I guess I should lead with the background information: JP took Chelsie the “Science Educator” on a bungee jumping date.  She was scared, JP still looked bored/content (seriously, it’s like dealing with Zoolander’s ‘one look’), and the bungee guy seemed totally annoyed that he was dragged up there to watch a girl cry at the edge.  After an hour of our lives (and who knows how long of the bungee guy’s) she finally found her courage and took the leap.  Apparently that is some huge, deep metaphor for falling in love.  I don’t think love should be that terrifying or dangerous – but I’m afraid of heights and have risk-aversion so don’t take my word for it.

We got the stereotyping date out of the way when JP took 12 dames to the Galaxy field to play soccer.  Sharleen has the worst luck (or lack of sight) as she kept getting beaned in the head with the ball – but all was better when she awkwardly had a MO sesh with JP on the field for the rest of the girls to watch.  She’s so considerate, that one.  I think Sharleen is making it her personal quest to help JP learn more English as she keeps identifying the meaning of his statements and saying them back to him.  For example, last night JP says “ You are very elegant.”  Sharleen as usual hears that and feels the need to tell JP “That’s a compliment.”  Why yes, yes it is.  Well done, Sharleen – you are very smart. 

JP surprised the girls at the crack of dawn by breaking into their house to make them breakfast.  I think only 2 or 3 of them were actually excited to see him – even Molly the dog walked right past without saying hi or wagging her tail.  After a big Venezuelan breakfast they had a pool party in lieu of the cocktail party.  Clare spent her entire afternoon crying in the bathroom with Renee (who really needs to stop being the shoulder for all of these chicks to cry on – she’s not the den mother) because she hasn’t had any time with JP since their winter wonderland date and hadn’t heard from him.  I’m pretty sure she knew how the show works when she submitted her casting tape – yet she is dismayed to find out that he can’t text her every day after their date to reassure her he likes her still.  Can you say needy??  Look out for her, JP! 

One tweet had a great idea for helping the ladies who cry all the time:

That could be the parting gift as each chick is shoved into a limo!  Give Lucy and Christy theirs now, as they got the boot last night.  I was surprised that Lucy cried; I thought for sure she’d have something deep (aka hippy) to say about cosmic alignment as she twirled out of the house – instead she welled up, took her shoes off, and wandered to the reject car.

Next week we'll see we’ll see how good JP does at weeding out the really crazy from just the harmlessly delusional :)

1/14/14: The Bachelor - Ep 2

Hola El Bachelor fans!

We had our first taste of normal life in the mansion last night, and I must say I’m impressed with JP but as scared as ever for the unstable bevy of beauties on the show.

The episode felt like it started half-way through because there wasn’t the usual fanfare of date card reading or squealing as non-pregnant Clare got ready for her date. JP blindfolded her and took her on a winter wonderland date, complete with ice skating, faux snow, and of course a hot tub. She laughed and cried and had a gay time in her bikini in the “snow” (send her here in that ensemble and we’ll just see how much fun she’s having then) while JP seemed a little bored. But maybe that’s his content face – I’m not sure, he kind of always looks pleasantly oblivious. They were also serenaded by some dude that I don’t know – I don’t think I’m young/hip enough to know who Josh Krajcik is, but I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything. The second date was for Kat: she was whisked away on a pj to Utah for the Electric Run. It looked like a rave-on-the-go, but the glow sticks were pretty! Both ladies secured a rose and a spot in next week’s episode.

The group date was a photo shoot with rescue dogs for charity fundraising, complete with a photographer channeling Caesar Flickerman from The Hunger Games:

Do not adjust your tv screens, his goatee really is teal. Brave choice, man.

There was drama due to the available wardrobe assignments (nude or dressed as a fire hydrant? I feel like that is symbolic of the moral dilemmas this show tackles) but I don’t remember much else; the dogs were too cute so I didn’t really care what was happening with the girls. Oh, except Free Spirit Lucy has no problem being naked everywhere, all the time (quelle surprise said no one) and I don’t think she brought any shoes with her as she had to borrow a pair for the date.

The drama kicked into high gear at the cocktail hour after the group date. JP was making the rounds chatting with the ladies, very unaware of the fact that Victoria was “not” drunk, “not” twerking in the pool alone, and “not” having a major mental crisis. Totally unprovoked she flipped out and said she wanted to go home (she had to slow her roll though because the producers wouldn’t let her leave without shoes … what is it with these girls lacking footwear??) I think she thought that the bathroom stall was a tardis a la Doctor Who because she kept running in there trying to go home. Thankfully the producers banished her to a hotel room for the night, where we saw JP dump her the next morning. This is where he earned major points in my book for being mature because he basically told Victoria that he’s too old to deal with her shenanigans and he has a daughter to think about --- a big round of applause for that reality check!

The rose ceremony was pretty uneventful – 2 ladies were heartbroken to break up with our bachelor and cried on their sequin dresses all the way home. Molly the dog was still on hand, though – is she there for the full season?? One of the many questions I have that was left unanswered this week.

Tweet of the night: I’m pretty sure this is the casting call for the show -

Spot on!

1/7/14: The Bachelor - Ep 1

Hello! I hope you are all well rested after last night’s episode – all the awkward moments left me exhausted, but excited, for what lies ahead this season!

We had a nice intro into Juan Pablo (who will be referred to as JP from here on out) that shared more of his background and what his current life is like in Miami. He spent 80% of his intro either on the beach or in the shower – so as I suspected ABC was successful in keeping costs down on the wardrobe expenses. After meeting JP’s family we moved on to the ladies.

There is a nurse, an Asst DA, a former NBA dancer (does she have a job now? Why not mention that as your career vs what you used to do? whatevs…), a “mineral coordinator” that was dumped over the phone by her fiancée (who also then cried for half the show), a few teachers, and a girl that fed the camera breakfast choo-choo train style (she casually laughed while she did it but my crazy-meter is still triggering alarms about her).

The limo intros were as dumb as ever – I wish they could just get out of the cars and introduce themselves like normal humans do when they meet. One girl pedaled a piano up the driveway, one girl unsuccessfully tried to do a science experiment, another had a fake baby bump, Lucy Free-Spirit showed up barefoot, and then there is the girl that brought her dog. I wasn’t surprised that it was the lady whose career is “dog lover” – but I was really surprised that the dog stayed the ENTIRE NIGHT. Yes, there was a dog at the rose ceremony. Sooo weird! And Amy J. smeared essential oils all over his suit when she forced him into getting a massage. I hope she picks up the tab for his dry cleaning!

Let’s move on to the roses. Sharleen the opera singer was probably the most normal person ever on the show – but her normalcy was a rude reality check compared to the lunacy found in the rest of the mansion. JP gave her the 1st Impression rose, and when asked if she would accept it she paused for what felt like 10 mins and then said, very deadpan, “Sure. Yeah, sure.” JP seemed happily oblivious to her lackluster response and felt good going into the rose ceremony.

Enter Kylie. I don’t know what she does or where she’s from, but I do know that her skin tone and hair color were the same shade of orange and that she chose to wear a Pepto Bismol pink dress. Bad combination, dear – please don’t do that again. During the rose ceremony she pulled a Zoolander (thought her name was called when it was actually the girl behind her). Her gaffe is captured perfectly on Christine’s face (girl in green) while Kat (in red) is ready to cut a B for coming between her and a rose:

Oh you poor dumb thing. Imagine the tension felt when her name wasn’t called at all and she was sent packing. Oh wait, I don’t have to imagine it -- I got to see it happen!

Best tweet of the night came from Tidy Cats:

Truer words have never been spoken :-)

All in all 9 ladies were sent home last night. That brings our total left to 18 which is a nice place to start your brackets. I encourage you all to participate for the fun of it, even if you don’t care who wins or loses in this game of “love”.

‘Til next week!

12/30/13: The Bachelor!

After what seemed like the autumn that would never end, it’s time for my favorite and yours:

THE BACHELOR!!!!

“Juan-uary” 5th is the first episode of the season, and we’ll get to watch 27 ladies vie for the affections of our handsome Juan Pablo from Desiree’s season. From the looks of the previews ABC has put all their money savings from wardrobe (JP looks shirtless about every 2 seconds) toward the extra closed-captioning fees needed this season – I’m not being mean, this boy is really handsome but really hard to understand. Every episode he was in on The Bachelorette had to have subtitles too – so hopefully ABC will keep current with the CC tab or he’ll just talk really slow for us 

The ladies seem … interesting. We’ve got a lot of FL natives, and the occupations range from a dog lover (seriously, that’s what one girl wrote), to a free spirit (again, who knew that was a job?! Talk about ambition!!) all the way to an Assistant District Attorney. Their bios make for interesting reading, so I highly suggest a glance in your downtime. A few highlights: the 4th of July is the most romantic holiday (huh?? I’d like to know why), hot air balloon rides are the ultimate date (I’ll pass, I’m afraid of heights), Elf made the top 3 favorite movie lists of several suitorettes (I will agree here), and one girl admits to having baby fever. Hope Juan Pablo is looking to add to his brood fast or she’ll end up heartbroken! (BTW: my favorite is Lucy, she sounds like a winner … dang, where is the eye-rolling emoticon when you need it?!)


What a solid way to kick off the new year :)

Welcome!

Hello!  I'm Becky and this is my own virtual diary, documenting my musings and craftings. Writing has always been a creative outlet for me, and after the urging of some friends and co-workers I decided to finally share my take on life and publish it for whomever may be interested. If that isn't you, I recommend you move on to something else now - it's not going to get much better :)

The name of my blog (gawd, can I tell you how grossly pretentious I feel using that word? I am not a hipster, I do not want to be a hipster, and I see this as more a journaling of my inner monologue...blog, gross) anywho the name of my site is inspired by one of the greatest women I have ever known: my grandma, Trudy, whom I miss dearly every day. As I get older I find that her and I share a lot of the same creative juices, and I love that I can see so much of her in myself.

She was the keeper of all family stories and memories; she was my summer camps and spring vacations, and all the sick days when I wasn't old enough to stay home alone; she taught me how to play cards, how to cook some good food and bake some delicious treats; and she showed me how to have fun doing the mundane (grocery shopping was suddenly fun as long as it included Sample Day and the lobster tank at Lunds!). Her biting humor, infectious laugh, and general love of life are all traits I strive to find and share every day. In some way, I am hoping this journal/diary/whatever is a small tribute to the indelible mark she has left on me.

That said, I hope you enjoy what you read on these pages -- most of all of this should be happy, funny, bubbly content but I can't make any promises that I won't occasionally drift into more serious and personal stories. To me you can't have the good without knowing what bad is like, so who knows if I need to verbally dump one day what might show up here. If that ever happens, hopefully you'll be able to relate to it as well and find the silver lining with me.

Mixed in with my views will be some craft projects that I unknowingly find myself drawn to -- my husband and family can attest to the fact that I'm always up to something and there is always a work-in-progress (insert something deep about that being a metaphor for life).

Thanks for stopping by, feel free to leave comments or reach out with any questions. Happy reading!

Standard disclaimer: all views expressed throughout this blog are my own, and are not reflective of anyone else. Any products I might make reference to are not related to any endorsements received (though if you'd like to offer I'm always open to bribes! I kid, I kid) and again just my own impressions and views after using.