I just read a really great article from Harper's Bazaar about relationship dynamics. It has put into words something I live and breathe, and struggle with on a daily basis in my marriage.
First: Don't misunderstand me. I am a lucky woman to be married to a man who loves me so much. I wouldn't want to have anyone else in that seat next to me. I just need him to share the emotional, and sometimes physical, labor with me.
Yes. This. I can't explain how many arguments this has led to, and how guilty I feel after them. Believe me, I appreciate you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about how much I do etc - I just ran out of patience hoping you would see the pile of socks on the floor that have accumulated through the week and this is the only way I have learned so far to communicate that to you.
I hate feeling like a nag. I hate feeling like I have to yell at someone to make them understand my point of view. I don't know where I learned this from - probably TV. The Lazy but Loveable Husband, and the Patient Gentle Wife. Gender stereotypes we all hope to shake - but unconsciously creep into our minds and actions when we aren't watching. I hear this time and again with my friends who are married too, and while there's comfort in the 'solidarity' of a shared experience, it's also quite sad. How do I help to break this cycle so my future children don't repeat the pattern (and frustration)? How do I explain that it's not that I'm not grateful when you help, it's just that I feel I shouldn't have to ask for it? No one gives me a standing ovation when I cook dinner, feed the dogs, do the dishes, and pick up your clothes after being at work all day - and I don't need one. What I need is someone who is there to then take out the garbage, put the clean dishes away, and take the dogs outside. Without me having to ask. Balance. Partnership. At any rate, this was well worth the read - man, woman, married, single. It didn't give me a "How To" on the best way to open this conversation with my own hubby - but brings me closer to finding the way to do it without anyone winding up hurt.
Yes. This. I can't explain how many arguments this has led to, and how guilty I feel after them. Believe me, I appreciate you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about how much I do etc - I just ran out of patience hoping you would see the pile of socks on the floor that have accumulated through the week and this is the only way I have learned so far to communicate that to you.
I hate feeling like a nag. I hate feeling like I have to yell at someone to make them understand my point of view. I don't know where I learned this from - probably TV. The Lazy but Loveable Husband, and the Patient Gentle Wife. Gender stereotypes we all hope to shake - but unconsciously creep into our minds and actions when we aren't watching. I hear this time and again with my friends who are married too, and while there's comfort in the 'solidarity' of a shared experience, it's also quite sad. How do I help to break this cycle so my future children don't repeat the pattern (and frustration)? How do I explain that it's not that I'm not grateful when you help, it's just that I feel I shouldn't have to ask for it? No one gives me a standing ovation when I cook dinner, feed the dogs, do the dishes, and pick up your clothes after being at work all day - and I don't need one. What I need is someone who is there to then take out the garbage, put the clean dishes away, and take the dogs outside. Without me having to ask. Balance. Partnership. At any rate, this was well worth the read - man, woman, married, single. It didn't give me a "How To" on the best way to open this conversation with my own hubby - but brings me closer to finding the way to do it without anyone winding up hurt.
