Happy Monday! I come to you from the sick bay at my house to talk El Bachelor. This week we have hometown dates, so let's dive in!
Nikki's family seemed nice. Her dad asked her job-interview style why she thinks JP is The One for her, she answered diplomatically and passed his test. She still hasn't told JP that she loves him, which to me means in her gut she really doesn't -- but we'll see what happens.
Next we go to Atlanta to go the shooting range and meet Andi's family. First, you really trust this dude with a gun?? JP needs a Speak 'n Spell to get an entire sentence out in English, but sure - let's give him a loaded weapon. He only hit the target once so I don't recommend bringing him hunting because you're more likely to end up like Harry Whittington than coming home with your 10-pointer.
Ok, now Andi's family. They all have unique names and seem super real (and scary). Andi's dad, Hy. And her brother-in-law, Ailli (Alien? Run that by me again?) I think they're all in witness protection, her dad totally gives mafia vibes. Hy enjoyed his steak while shooting major sarcastic eyes at everyone else around the table. Her mom made JP and Andi do a little salsa for her, and the look on her face was giving me this internal dialog: "Dance, my puppets! Dance!"
And yeah, Hy totally would kill JuanPabs if he hurts his daughter:
Next was Renee's family. Her son is adorable, and we got to see him play a little league game (no other parents seemed to be present, but I don't blame them - most teams in that age-group don't even keep score and "everyone is a winner" ... please, there are winners and there are losers. Let's be real about life folks). Ahem, sorry - that slipped out.
Moving on, Renee also loves JP but also held back from telling him. Should mention that so far Andi is the only one that isn't in love with him yet, which just proves she has a few brain cells left. That's about all that happened at Renee's house - so let's leave FL and head west to Cali.
Clare. The same bipolar feelings I had for JP I have for you too - your stories about your dad are really sweet (like borderline sickening), but then you can be batshit cray. She seemed pretty regular on her hometown date with JuanPabs, and she has a really big family with tons of sisters and one brother. Bro didn't get any air time, he was just there for some added testosterone - but her sisters did. They seemed sweet as well, except for Laura. She was a troll and totally wears the pants now that their dad is passed. She took the role of family bouncer, and did so while looking like a cranky bullfrog (she was wearing green! That is in no way reference to her looks ... no sir). I got the same saboteur vibes with her as we got with Des' brother last Bachelorette season - that didn't end well for her but maybe JP is clueless enough to not pick up on that stuff. Her mom is adorable, and whadyaknow Clare was telling the truth when she said she had Hispanic roots! JP seemed to be totally infatuated with Mama too - so Clare best watch herself, there's a cougar in the house!
Footnote: the way Clare's sisters kept saying "Mama" totally syncs up with the movie that was on PBS Saturday night after Antiques Roadshow. "Mama - I'm pretty" I bet that's what Clare said after her makeover (she looks nothing like her sisters, and barely resembles her mom ... can you say plastic surgery? HAHA)
Ok, rose ceremony: no surprise here Renee got cut. She's totally too good for him except for thinking JP is normal, so I say she hit up Match.com Sarasota style and find a new man!
Tomorrow we go to St. Lucia for Fantasy Suite dates. Everyone is crying except for him; of course his usual face is this:
Is he happy? Confused? Constipated? We will find out tomorrow!
PS - this tweet totally has me wondering if this was Juan Pablo's strategy this season for choosing his "love":
No comments:
Post a Comment