7/28/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 12 FINALE!

Ok guys and gals, this is the night we've been waiting for!  12 long weeks, lots of tears, and countless scarves - and now it's finally time to bring this ride to an end.  Chris Harrison promises drama and stalker-esque tendencies from the rejected suitor - all of which sounds deliciously exciting to me :)

Let's start by joining Andi in the Dominican.  Nick/Lithgow is the first to meet her family (hi, Hy!) and they listen to the lines of BS Nick has to share.  Where's the Bachelor Farmer?  I need a shovel cuz it's getting deep in here.  He is still feeling confident about where he stands, so we bid adieu to him and get ready for the next guy.

Josh.  What can I say about him??  He's tall, dark, handsome, and seems to be the total package.  None of this is new information, but I just like talking about him because he's dreamy :)  He seemed very nervous to meet her family, but I think it was meant to be because he and Hy had on matching outfits:

MFEO

For not having met before they sure seem to be in sync with each other!  I can see the family portrait now.  Andi's family seemed to like Josh as well, but the icing on the cake for me was that he asked Hy for permission to propose.  Old fashioned, southern charm -- and I drank up every minute of it.

Time for final dates.  Josh got the advantage and went on a yacht ride, complete with snorkeling and then dinner.  Josh made Andi her own baseball card, which was a sweet nod to his personality and their 'journey' together.

Next we are forced to sit through another sputtering date with Nick.  Bleh.  They went off-roading and had a picnic in the forest.  Big whoop - move on.  He talks through his nose a lot, leading him to sound breathy and spitty when he speaks (hate it).  He needs to enunciate and not act so weird – he has talked to other humans before, yes?  He also talked with his hand in front of his mouth a lot, similar to this:

Their date seemed to stretch on for 40 mins our time (not really, but it just felt like it) most of which so he could waxing poetic about grocery shopping; I just wanted to hit the fast forward button.  His gift to her is a necklace filled with sand.  He claims he filled it from the beach he professed his love for her on, but I think he ordered it from Etsy.  Where would he have gotten the supplies??  If he did make it, it probably had some of his hair and teeth in it too - creep.

Josh is picking out rings with Neil Lane, where he picks out a pumpkin sized sparkler.  Then we cut to Andi knocking on Nick's door – which has the ominous music of impending doom.  Ooohhh!!  This is getting good!!  I can only hope she's dumping him ... please, let it be so! ... she's talking, she's getting choked up ... and then:

BOOM!

She brought the hammer down!  She doesn't feel it, he makes her think too much.  So long, farewell!  He's talking to the camera in the ride of shame but without subtitles I have no idea what he's saying.  Just as well, I don't really care.

Ok let's get to the proposal.  Josh shared his heart, Andi shared her internal monologue outloud (again), and finally said that she loves him!  I'd show you the montage of the proposal, but really let's just see that rock:

Yeah, baby!

There we have it!  Now the ATFR special.

Nick has been trying to talk to Andi since she sent him home (even showing up at the Men Tell All), but was constantly rebuffed.  He was there tonight, though, and it was awkward!!

More tears, more stuttering, and worst of all was he aired their very personal laundry on national television, which was really uncalled for and very ungentlemanly. Buck up dude, like you’ve never had Fantasy Suite experiences with a girl you didn’t love before?  Please.  Let’s not pretend.  Production didn't put a stop to their conversation soon enough, and since Nick was just wanting to beat a dead horse after dropping the S bomb about their overnight date, Andi was about to lay the smack down.  Best to get Nick off stage ASAP.

On to happier things we got to see Andi and Josh together and they are adorable.  I hope they make it, they seem to be a good fit.  Possible spring wedding, which I'm sure Des isn't happy about (what happened to her BTW, she fell off the Bachelor radar)

Well friends, that wraps up this season!  Thank you for sticking with me through the highs and lows of this season - it was quite the enjoyable ride!

Stay tuned for updates on Bachelor in Paradise, and who the next Bachelor is!  Any guesses??

7/21/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 11

Hi friends!  We started tonight's Tell All special with exciting baby news from Ashley and J.P.!!  Very fun to see they are still happy and expecting a child, though creepy that they were forced to do a live gender reveal.  I'm impressed Ashley found a dress that side zipped with just enough room for the doppler wand to roam around - but it was just a little weird.  Either way, congrats to them!

We dive in to our reunion by addressing the possible racism from Andrew, again.  He still dodged the question and pleaded the 5th, so Ron and Marquel said their piece and we moved on.  We then got to chat with Marquel, Marcus, and Chris.  Blah blah blah - their hearts are healing and the two M's will be on "Bachelor in Paradise" next month.

My highlights from tonight:

Marquel wore a cookie pin and pulled an Ellen by distributing Black & White cookies to the audience.  His pin:

Proving he is, in fact, the Cookie Monster.

Nick the golfer appears to have done some crop rotation on his head since he was sent home.  Here is his 'before' pic from the ABC cast bios as a reminder:

And now he has a full head of hair, teased and pomaded:

Suppose he used Bosley, or Hair Club for Men?

While some guys changed, others remained the same.  Namely Cody our Cupee Doll -- he is still under dressed and over-tanned:

Overall they all seem to have moved on.  No major teasers for next week's episode, so I can only hope it was all worth the wait.  See you next Monday to wrap this all up!

7/14/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 10

We're forced to watch Andi recap her relationships thus far with each of the remaining men, with a commercial break to look at Des in the Suave chair again, and then a promo for "Bachelor in Paradise" featuring Cody the Cupee Doll.  That's who we're supposed to get excited about?!  That's actually a deterrent for watching.

Anywho, let's get going with the overnight dates!  We start with Nick/Lithgow.

Andi: "I love that this is your first helicopter ride."  Well Andi, helicopters aren't that common for a mode of transportation in everyday life, and not everyone can be the Bachelor/ette.  Way to rub it in that he's a normie.

Nick took forever and a day to try to get out a sentence that consists of 3 syllables - and after lots of ums and uhs he still couldn't do it.  That's pretty regular for his speech patterns, he's not really one with the words.  At dinner he says he's quirky - that's a nice way of putting it - and twirled his hair while stumbling over his words some more.  Oh and he shared the creepiest handmade children's book ever - lamesauce!  Oh praise the lord, he finally spits out "I love you."  Andi's reaction was not dissimilar to this:

They head off to the Fantasy Suite and we fade to black (thank goodness).

Moving on we have our date with Josh.  I don't think the producers or Andi have any idea what else to do with him than feature him on the baseball field, as once again they headed to the diamond:

Andi sounds like a broken record still doubting Josh's feelings and if he's the 'type' to break her heart.  I honestly think that's just his delivery and inflection, mixed with his charm and good looks.  She seems reluctant to invite him to the suite but does so anyway.  We then spend a really uncomfortable 10 minutes watching them make out in the pool.  Voyeurism isn't my forte, so pardon me while I close my eyes and wait for it to be over.

Ah, better, time for the Bachelor Farmer Chris.  She drags him horseback riding through the countryside where they see lots of yaks and some farmers harvesting what looked like weeds.  They reminisce about how great his family was, how gobsmacked Andi was that womenfolk have jobs in Iowa !, blah blah blah.  After that we literally got to watch Chris' heart be broken on tv and Andi tell him it's just not going to work.  He's a sweet guy, and I feel bad that he was so invested and seemed to care so much and she just wasn't feeling it. Ouch.  On the lighter side I found a like-minded friend in this Tweeter:

Bwah hahahahaha!

We end with one of the most predictable rose ceremonies ever: Josh and Nick are the last men standing.  So, friends that wraps up our 10th episode & 9th week.  Be sure to tune in next week for the Men Tell All special!  And in two weeks we have our finale with the After special - I can't wait!!

Fun note of product placement for my employer:  Target Threshold brand hurricanes and vases!

Shop your local Target or target.com to find 3 sizes of the hurricane and several sizes/shapes of the blue vase :)

*I received no compensation to mention these products, it has become second nature to watch for Target items in shows and movies...I can't help it!

7/7/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 9

Will Andi live the life as a homemaker in Iowa?  Will she be overshadowed by a young footballer hoping to get drafted?  Or will Nick V. bring her “home” to a shallow grave?  Let’s find out!

We're off to our first destination: Milwaukee, home to serial killer Nick/Lithgow.  I've been hoping we'll actually meet his family members and not a pile of dead bodies in his freezer - so, fingers crossed!  Andi is too cool for a cheese hat, and they had awkward chemistry; he had his hands in his pockets the entire time ... if you're thinking you'll be engaged in 2 weeks wouldn't you hold hands or something?  They sampled the "Nick & Andi" brew conveniently placed at the brewhouse they toured.  My spidey senses tell me the special ingredient is roofies.  Probable internal monologue for Nick: "Let's get Andi a Big Gulp size!"  Their date was (thankfully) interrupted by a severe weather update, so we rejoined just in time to arrive to his house.  Nick's parents need a hobby stat - they have like 15 kids, including an alleged brother "Sam" that looks just like Nick.  I'm inclined to say "Sam" is Nick's alter ego, and given how creepy Nick is his family just pretends he's real.  Anyway, to stop the constant procreation I think his mom could take up scrapbooking and his dad should become an avid coin collector.  There's got to be something else to do in WI!  OItherwise, it's time for twin beds like the Petrie's:

That's the most contact Mr. & Mrs. Lithgow should have from here on out - neutral corners!

We left 19 kids and counting to go to Arlington, Iowa.  One snooze fest after another.  The Bachelor Farmer Chris is waiting for her while casually standing in front of a tractor.  He takes her for a spin on said tractor, and then they start to talk about the reality of living in Iowa.  Chris tells Andi that she has the opportunity to be a housewife -- she was as excited at that prospect as she would be about getting her annual lady check-up.  I think Chris has a better chance of becoming a househusband in ATL.  Let's gloss over those unpleasant conversations and meet his family!  I LOVE his mom - she is warm, funny, supportive...she gets a rose!  J/K but I wish, I would make her a new bestie!

Time to depart the Midwest and head south to FL!  Josh plays baseball with Andi, and then talks a little bit about his love for the game and it's bittersweet now that he doesn't play; sad face.  We get a preview of his brother Aaron who was waiting to be drafted in the NFL (real-time update he is now a KC Chief).  I finally realized why I am so smitten with Josh - his looks and drawl remind me of a young Elvis Presley -- DREAMY.  Andi is an attention-floozy and is off-put that Josh is asking questions about how his brother is doing instead of making the entire conversation about her.  Don't get me wrong, it's important they get to know her but this is normal family dinner table conversation to talk about other people.  Andi's already projecting problems with him being close to his family and worrying that Josh might want to go to a football game once in a while if his brother gets drafted.  Wow, lady - chill.out.  He has his own life/family/interests outside of you -- surprise!  Ugh, she's annoying on this visit. 

Let's move on to our final destination to visit Marcus in TX.  I wonder if the Benz is his or a rental?  What does he do again for a job?  Gad, I can't remember.  Whatever, nice wheels.  They go to an empty club and have champagne at 10AM.  This is a day in his normal life?  Oh wait, he's doing an encore stripper performance.  Please stop, that's just weird.  PS I've seen better moves at the '90s - maybe he should have had more bubbly.  Reminds me of the white-man-overbite in When Harry Met Sally:

That's hot.

Marcus' niece made them bracelets, and Marcus' mom had a confusing accent.  Where is she from?  Did I zone out while they did intros and explained their nationality?  Details, meh.  He brought our man tears to an even 4 for 4 -- at least our guys are predictable!

Now we are forced to deal with the loss of Eric Hill once again.  I warned you in week 2 that I can't handle anymore of that -- why must you torture us more ABC???  It was nice to see Andi have real emotions and regret the ridiculous argument she picked with him, but I don't want to be the therapist assigned to helping her work through that guilt.  To add some comic relief I played Spot-the-Scarf.  Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

Marcus!  With a side of capri pants

I should have been watching the credits closer for a list of sponsors for this season - there has to be a supplier that gets these guys new neckerchiefs week after week!

Dry your eyes because it's time for the Rose Ceremony (just know it's not me hustling you along, that's literally how the show moved.  Awkward and uncomfortable, and a little insensitive to be a peeping tom watching these people cry for a lost cast mate).  We bid adieu to Marcus.  I think his fashion sense was getting a little better than Andi's - and she was not about to have that.

Next week is our last elimination before the Finale!!  Stay tuned to find out how the Fantasy Suite dates go in the Dominican ;)

7/1/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 8

Let’s join the gang for a really rhymey episode in the hustle and bustle of Brussels!

The guys appear to have had fun shopping together in their downtime, picking up matching scarves to accent their outfits:

Marcus got the first 1:1 date.  Andi: “The big thing here is mussels, so let’s try some mussels.”

You mean, the muscles from Brussels?!

JCVD is the original, and dang that chihuahua is cute!

Sadly, no.  They have lots of fun eating and talking, and after it concluded Nick V. (Lithgow) decided to dupe the unsuspecting hotel worker and finagle a copy of Andi’s room key out of her.  He pockets the key and knocks on her door for a little after hours walk through Brussels – does anyone else wonder what he did with the key after?  Does he still have it?  Did the producers take it from him, or let it go and just say “hey, let’s see what happens!”?  At least they’ll have audio and/or video evidence if he ends up killing her …. Creep!!!!

Josh M. (McDreamy) gets the second and last one-on-one date where Andi still doubts his sincerity but folds to his charms when he tells her he’s falling in lurve with her.  Hook, line, and sinker!  They then enjoy another private concert by some chick dressed like a flapper and a guy. 

Moving on to the dreaded group date.  They frolic around the Brussels countryside, huff and puff up some train tracks, and Andi and Chris (The Bachelor Farmer) go to Pottery Barn!  Oh, wait, it’s not the store – it’s a barn where people do pottery.  That’s not nearly as much fun L  They have a Ghost moment while spinning the wheel:

that’s the color (and texture) of baby poo

Our first hometown date is awarded to Nick V./Lithgow.  I could hear the groans echoing through the television and throughout Bachelor Nation.  ISH.  I really don’t understand what she sees in this guy.  Superficially speaking I totally get why she has kept the other guys around, they are universally attractive.  Nick V., however, likes to keep his attractiveness under cloak and dagger.  I’m still trying to find it!  Reminds of an episode of Friends:

Monica: [about Emma's new nanny, Molly] “What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.”

Ross: “Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst. You know, when it's right there in your face. Me, I like to have to work to find someone attractive. Makes me feel like I earned it.”

By the end of this season we will all feel like we’ve earned it.  I’d like to V8-pop Andi on her head to knock some sense into her.

No time for that  now, so let’s glue some shards of glass to our dresses and go to the cocktail party:

Dylan was freaking out, Chris threatens Andi with Iowa (as a Midwestern girl that wouldn’t scare me, but I think our Atlanta/y’all chica is a little underwhelmed with that idea), and Nick V. weaseled his way in to Brian’s time with her and then turned on his crocodile tears in the confessional.  His tears looked more like they were smeared on with water droplets than so much as naturally produced from his tear ducts.  Ah, sincerity.

After some edited tension we said goodbye to Dylan and Brian.  I’m not at all surprised, they seemed like easy casualties to send home now.  Nice guys, but no spark.  They cried, Andi cried, but the mood was lightened in the closing credits as we watched Dylan chase Brian around with a pickle.  I’m leaving that one alone, it’s too easy.

Tune in next week as we see hometown dates!  Happy 4^th of July everyone!!