5/26/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 2

We join the 19 guys as they settle in to the mansion.  They are toasting, smiling, and Andi hasn't even shown up yet.  Chris H does and comes with the epic First Date card.

Eric is the Chosen One; they went to the beach and built sand castles (Eric: "we built our first house together"), flew kites, normal day-at-the-beach stuff.  Oh, well it was until the helicopter lands; I guess that isn't normal.  Hey, is Anal Emil flying it??  At least he would've gotten a paycheck out of the deal even if he didn't get love -- ABC should just add him as staff, it'd be more economical that way to have a pilot on standby.

Watching Eric on a date is breaking my heart and we're only into week 2.  He has such a good time on the dates, seems so in love with life, and is (for lack of a better word given the circumstances) so ALIVE.  Knowing that he is no longer of this earth is so sad and I don't know how much more I can take.  ABC needs to start editing him out as a bit player until he gets sent home - or else they need to ship all viewers a box of Kleenex. GAH.

Dry those tears and let's move on.  We Magic Miked for the group date!  Matthew McConaughey was a better den mother than the snakeskin suit jacket guy, but boy these dudes have some moves!  I gotta say 10 of those 14 guys would put the Go Go Dancers from The Saloon to shame - they have a fallback career in male dancing entertainment!  Sharleen and Kelly (dog lover) from last season joined Andi to watch the show, and I was sooo hoping that Sharleen and the Man Opera Singer (I can't remember his name ... Brad?  Sure, Brad) would find each other and ride off into the sunset... Maybe in the next reincarnation of Bachelor Pad this summer ;)  And I wish Chris Harrison would have been the special guest performer, America's crush on him (me included) just keeps growing!

Best part of the night: watching Craig get annihilated.  He was crushing big time on Josh M. starting in the revue rehearsals, and kept going through the cocktail party.  Everything was "awesome!" - this face says it all:

He was ready to PARTY.

Andi wasn't feeling it and it almost ruined her evening - but she somehow managed to get past it with the help of one of the other 13 guys on hand.  Good for her.

Second date, Andi took the Bachelor Farmer Chris to the horse races.  Chris seemed like the girl counterpart on the date: Andi picked some clothes for him to change into a la Pretty Woman, he kept blushing and gushing about how he couldn't believe she had picked him for a date, giddy as a schoolgirl getting asked to prom - I tell ya, the estrogen levels among these guys is at an all-time high.

We ended their date with a private serenade by some tinkering toodlehimer guys - I don't know who they are and I don't care to.

Cocktail party: Craig was touching Josh M. the entire time, so I felt bad for him and the bad touch - BUT I figured out what was bugging me about Nick V.!!  He looks JUST LIKE John Lithgow circa Footloose:

I told you I'd figure out what what up with that guy!  And I only needed one more week - I think having today off from work heightened my senses for tonight's episode.

In the end we bid farewell to 3 fellas: Nick S., Craig, and Carl.  No big loss there - let's spend a millisecond mourning their departure and move on to next week.  We get our first 2-parter episode kicking off Sunday!  There will be tears, possible girlfriends, and a boy band that 90% of the 20-somethings today won't know: Boys II Men!  They must have a tour or CD release coming out soon, I'll check on that and get back to ya.

Quote of night:
Nick S. the golfer: "I'm excited to be in the house that so many people have fallen in love in." Uh, have you checked the stats on the "happily ever afters" for the show?  Like 3 people have fallen in love, so your odds aren't great.  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, baldy.

See you Sunday y'all!

5/20/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 1

Good morning  yinz, let’s dive into the 1^st episode!

We join Andi and her Chiclet teeth:

on her “love quest” (as J.J. so eloquently put it).  She had 25 guys from all walks of life arrive to the mansion: among them we had a doctor with a bob, a farmer with no top lip, a wedding planner with a faux hawk, a golfer I've never heard of, and a “pantsapreneur” dressed like Pee Wee Herman.  With the exception of the latter there are more legit careers than the “dog lover” and “free spirit” we saw on Juan Pablo’s season.  Good for her – she needs a man that can keep up with her ambition.  Almost all introduced themselves in a much more normal style than we’ve seen in seasons past; a few exceptions to that were the arrivals of:

1. Brett & his mullet, who shall henceforth be known as Brick Tamland, for literally stealing a lamp from his hotel room to gift to Andi.

I love lamp

2. Cody (the lovechild of Tan Mom and a Cupie doll) who pushed a non-broken-down limo up the driveway and greeted Andi out of breath and sweaty.  Yummy.

Just try to tell me you don't see that resemblance!  

3. Emil for using the mnemonic trick of "like anal with an M" to help us all pronounce his name.  That word should never be used to introduce yourself to a potential mate - just FYI.

Most of the men seemed adorably nervous, and some were just as charming as I imagined them to be (I'm looking at you, Josh M. - you are dreamy!)  Andi seems to have connected with a few of the men right off the bat, bestowing the First Impression rose on Nick V.  There's something not quite right about this guy, but I can't put my finger on what the problem is.  Give me a few weeks, I'm sure I'll figure it out in no time.

The spotlight was stolen by another couple in the house, however: Patrick and Andrew.  They have a burgeoning bromance, and I for one am so excited they found a spark on the first night!  These two are the couple to watch this season :)

We had an uninvited houseguest show up to crash - Chris B. from Emily Maynard's season and a season of "Bachelor Pad" with his pale eyes and villain-esque cocked eyebrows.  It didn't appear as though Andi had any clue who he was, but he was adamant with the producers and Chris Harrison that he speak with her.  He was rebuffed and escorted off the property by security -- but not before coming off as a total creeper/stalker.

In all we sent home 6 gentlemen last night: Anal (whoops, I meant Emil), Mike, Rudie, Jason, Steven, and Josh B.   Some parting words:

Rudie: saying "Oh my gosh" sounded more like:

Jason had a question: "I wonder if there was something that would have changed her mind?"

And I had an answer: Get a haircut.

Josh B. turned into Bitter Betty once drunk - he ranged emotions from disgust and hatred for the show, to crying on camera for being sent home.  Slightly belligerent, and very embarrassing (which I love!)  There's bound to be one in every season and it's always funnier to me when it's a guy having a melodramatic emotional crisis on national television.  I'm just evil that way, I guess :)

At any rate we've got our list of 19 to start the season with!  See you next week!

5/13/14: The Bachelorette!!

Helloooo!! 

The time has come for “The Bachelorette” to begin –

Yes!  It’s already the middle of May!  Can you believe it?!

That’s the spirit!!

Season opener is Monday, May 19^th where we’ll meet the 25 fellas competing for Andi’s heart.  Full bios are available on http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelorette -- review them in your personal time if those deets are important to your strategy J

That’s all for now, but based on the chatter I’ve heard already, this sentiment is shared: