SPLIT: Whitney is not Chris' "soulesmate"
Have a good weekend!
Friday, May 29, 2015
Breaking Bachelor News!!
Have a good weekend!
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
5/26/15: The Bachelorette - wk 2
Hi friends! Happy Tuesday, hope everyone had a good weekend and took some time to reflect on the sacrifices our armed services men & women have made (and continue to make) to protect our freedoms. Freedom of speech is one of my favorites and I am very appreciative to have that right :) That's a good enough segue, so let's begin, we have a lot to cover!
Before we were allowed to enjoy any dates we had to check in with Britt to see how she was surviving after being cut. No surprise here, she's crying ... again ...
Just before she could leap off the edge of the balcony attached to her suite, there's a knock at her door. Who could it be?? Fearless leader Chris H? Room service? Nope, it's Macklemore!!
He looks a little stoned, sounds a little stoned, but he turned her frown upside down in .5 seconds. They hug, they laugh, and all's well with the all American rejects again. We can move on to the ACTUAL Bachelorette now.
The guest appearances are starting early this season: Laila Ali, Amy Schumer, and Kylie Jenner's lips just in this episode!
Laila (who looked stunning btw) worked the first group date and tried to get the men ready to square off in the ring against each other. Each guy trained and practiced with pros and each other, but Ben Z and Kupah took the time play pat-a-cake instead:
I'm all for displays of strength and manliness, but it didn't seem like the best idea to have men who are competing to date the same woman pound on each other. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but thankfully for ABC's medical fund they were all equally weak and no one got seriously hurt. Jared had to go to the hospital for a bump to the nose, so by default Ben Z won the match. And this sweet belt:
ABC must have some new interns; they are way too into these details. First the Operation rose boxes, now some WWE belt with the rose embossed on it. It's too much kitsch even for this franchise.
During the first date I started to notice quite a few v-neck t's making appearances. This is a trend we can thank/hate Sean Lowe for - I hope he bought stock in Hanes or FTL; he'd be a very wealthy man. I decided to keep count of how many I saw, so follow along and see if you can spot any I missed. We'll start with Jared and his prepubescent beard:
Since he had to go to the doctor for his boo-boo he missed most of the date happy hour. Only two things to note here: #1 is that Corey is trying to pass for a 30 year old:
Nope. I'm 30, and he looks older than I do. Quite a bit older. Like a dentist who has a 14 year old daughter that he's trying to gently but sternly explain why she has to wear shorts longer than the fingertip test. No way I'm buying that age; try again.
#2 was Kaitlyn's outfit:
I had to count that as 2 because you just have to - v's that deep can't go without noting. At first I thought maybe she put it on backward but then saw the rearview and realized no, no she didn't. Wow - hope she had some doublestick tape! Winner winner Ben Z got the group rose.
The first 1:1 date went to Clint! She drove them to another Cali mansion where they met with an underwater photographer. Apparently this is a huge trend in engagement photos (wha?? really?? weird...) and she wanted to test the chemistry with Clint. They got all dressed up:
And then jumped in the pool:
Some of the pictures were quite lovely, but overall it was just a little weird. They made out in the water, above the water, and then out of the pool entirely - all in front of not only the ABC cameras but also all the people there to assist with the photoshoot. Slightly uncomfortable, but maybe I just am out of touch - I didn't do underwater photos either. He got a rose, no surprise there.
Also, is anyone else kind of scared by the size of Clint's hands? I mean, I get that Kaitlyn is probably a petite woman and he does look brawny - but either the water was playing some illusion tricks or he has Andre the Giant hands:
Time for Group Date #2! Amy Schumer joined the fun and made all the guys do stand-up at amateur night.
Some really struggled, some did a good job, and then there was Tony. He rambled, a lot. I don't know if he really grasped the concept of comedy, so it was nice when he was done. We'll leave it at that. Somehow JJ walked away with the rose from this group, and I just don't see it.
Back at the house the men hung out before the cocktail party. Time to start counting again:
We're almost running out of fingers! Thankfully it's time for them to change for the party, so I think we'll get a reprive from the neckline tally for a little bit (I mean, who would wear a vneck t-shirt under a suit? Can't happen, won't happen.)
Wrong.
Jonathan was throwing off some serious Tubbs vibes last night - and my eyes bugged out the exact same way when I counted how many of these damn shirts these guys have. Seriously, do I just not get it? My husband doesn't have a single vneck t-shirt - is he missing out on something? Am I missing out on something? Someone please explain this to me.
I have another greivance to get off my chest while I'm at it - let's just lay it all out there now. What is up with JJ's teeth? Are they all spaced weird? Does he just drink too much red wine that staines the edges to define them so distinctly from one another? My guess is it's both - but either way they look just like Mr. Dink's from "Doug". Here, see for yourself:
I just can't even.
Anyway, the cocktail party. JJ was beyond smug with his rose from the Group Date and decided to rub it in to all the guys. Tony became gradually unglued, going from wide-eyed (which were also super dilated - wtf is going on with this guy?):
To total panic at the disco:
You would've thought he was the one about to have the epic meltdown, but instead Kupah comes out of left field for the win.
He called our Bachelorette out for their missed connection and then tried to back pedal faster than Lance Armstrong on steroids when she sent him home before the rose ceremony. He couldn't deal with it and started to get confrontational and loud. That's where the show went fade to black and threw us a TBC:
I hate 2-parters. But, it's how they hook ya and I'm no exception. I cannot wait to see how this ends next Monday! The only nugget ABC left us with was Britt and Brady/Macklemore riding off into the sunset together:
They were 1 week strong as BF & GF as of the taping of this episode, and I get the feeling they'll be a double arc we have to keep in touch with as the season progresses. I'd be just as happy pretending they were never on the show, but that's just me.
Hope you have a good week, see you next Monday!
Before we were allowed to enjoy any dates we had to check in with Britt to see how she was surviving after being cut. No surprise here, she's crying ... again ...
 |
| That stupid gumball heart ring is back, too. |
Just before she could leap off the edge of the balcony attached to her suite, there's a knock at her door. Who could it be?? Fearless leader Chris H? Room service? Nope, it's Macklemore!!
 |
| Want to hear my Nashville/British accent again? |
The guest appearances are starting early this season: Laila Ali, Amy Schumer, and Kylie Jenner's lips just in this episode!
 |
| Is his "secret" that he lines above his natual lip line, too? |
Laila (who looked stunning btw) worked the first group date and tried to get the men ready to square off in the ring against each other. Each guy trained and practiced with pros and each other, but Ben Z and Kupah took the time play pat-a-cake instead:
 |
| Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man - bake me a cake as fast as you can! |
ABC must have some new interns; they are way too into these details. First the Operation rose boxes, now some WWE belt with the rose embossed on it. It's too much kitsch even for this franchise.
During the first date I started to notice quite a few v-neck t's making appearances. This is a trend we can thank/hate Sean Lowe for - I hope he bought stock in Hanes or FTL; he'd be a very wealthy man. I decided to keep count of how many I saw, so follow along and see if you can spot any I missed. We'll start with Jared and his prepubescent beard:
 |
| Vneck #1 |
Nope. I'm 30, and he looks older than I do. Quite a bit older. Like a dentist who has a 14 year old daughter that he's trying to gently but sternly explain why she has to wear shorts longer than the fingertip test. No way I'm buying that age; try again.
#2 was Kaitlyn's outfit:
 |
| Vneck #2 |
 |
| Vneck #3 |
I had to count that as 2 because you just have to - v's that deep can't go without noting. At first I thought maybe she put it on backward but then saw the rearview and realized no, no she didn't. Wow - hope she had some doublestick tape! Winner winner Ben Z got the group rose.
The first 1:1 date went to Clint! She drove them to another Cali mansion where they met with an underwater photographer. Apparently this is a huge trend in engagement photos (wha?? really?? weird...) and she wanted to test the chemistry with Clint. They got all dressed up:
And then jumped in the pool:
Some of the pictures were quite lovely, but overall it was just a little weird. They made out in the water, above the water, and then out of the pool entirely - all in front of not only the ABC cameras but also all the people there to assist with the photoshoot. Slightly uncomfortable, but maybe I just am out of touch - I didn't do underwater photos either. He got a rose, no surprise there.
Also, is anyone else kind of scared by the size of Clint's hands? I mean, I get that Kaitlyn is probably a petite woman and he does look brawny - but either the water was playing some illusion tricks or he has Andre the Giant hands:
 |
| Scary big! |
Some really struggled, some did a good job, and then there was Tony. He rambled, a lot. I don't know if he really grasped the concept of comedy, so it was nice when he was done. We'll leave it at that. Somehow JJ walked away with the rose from this group, and I just don't see it.
Back at the house the men hung out before the cocktail party. Time to start counting again:
Vneck #4 and #5
 |
| Vneck #6 |
 |
| Vneck #7 |
Wrong.
 |
| Vneck #8 |
I have another greivance to get off my chest while I'm at it - let's just lay it all out there now. What is up with JJ's teeth? Are they all spaced weird? Does he just drink too much red wine that staines the edges to define them so distinctly from one another? My guess is it's both - but either way they look just like Mr. Dink's from "Doug". Here, see for yourself:
I just can't even.
Anyway, the cocktail party. JJ was beyond smug with his rose from the Group Date and decided to rub it in to all the guys. Tony became gradually unglued, going from wide-eyed (which were also super dilated - wtf is going on with this guy?):
To total panic at the disco:
You would've thought he was the one about to have the epic meltdown, but instead Kupah comes out of left field for the win.
He called our Bachelorette out for their missed connection and then tried to back pedal faster than Lance Armstrong on steroids when she sent him home before the rose ceremony. He couldn't deal with it and started to get confrontational and loud. That's where the show went fade to black and threw us a TBC:
I hate 2-parters. But, it's how they hook ya and I'm no exception. I cannot wait to see how this ends next Monday! The only nugget ABC left us with was Britt and Brady/Macklemore riding off into the sunset together:
They were 1 week strong as BF & GF as of the taping of this episode, and I get the feeling they'll be a double arc we have to keep in touch with as the season progresses. I'd be just as happy pretending they were never on the show, but that's just me.
Hope you have a good week, see you next Monday!
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
5/19/15: The Bachelorette - wk 1
Hi friends :)
It's been awhile and it feels good to be back with you!
Britt looks like she's the Disney princess caricature of a regular human like Buzzfeed did to their staffers here. The big, dopey eyes and saccharine sweet persona are too much. Glad to see she ditched the glittery make-up for tonight, but Kaitlyn looks amazing. Beautiful navy dress, soft curls - stunning.
I didn't pregame going into this season so have no idea what these guys have to offer outside of what's shown on TV - from episode 1 last night there are a few goobers already in the mix:
Jared (L) is like a knock-off version of Brooks (R) from Des' season:
vs 
Brady has an on-again-off-again British accent, and looks like the result if you added Mackelmore & Larry Sr from "The Long Island Medium" together:
Tony talks to bonsai trees and was sporting a shiner (what up, bro? A little fisticuffs, maybe?)
Kupah wants a trophy wife; and in my head I pronounced his name like chutzpah (which would have been a million times better!)
Josh is a law student by day, stripper by night (and not a very good one at that ... eek!)
And Brad looked like he just wanted to get physical* (*10 points to whoever guesses correctly what I am referring to!):
The douche of the night was Ryan M. - he got plastered and came off like a total a-hole. He wanted to take one of the girls out for a steak dinner and never call her again, heckled one of the other contestants before he even got to talk to the ladies, touched Kaitlyn's butt uninvited, and told a joke about rape. That's an oxy-moron but you know what I mean. Thankfully our fearless leader Chris Harrison called him out and kicked him off.
The men got to vote for which woman they would rather keep around. Awkward for all, and I just kept hoping they'd keep Kaitlyn and send Britt packing. What was fun about it though were the "Operation" type ballot boxes:
Yes, someone was commissioned to carve the outline of a rose into two wooden boxes specifically for this occasion. That's kind of sad - but kudos to the production team for their commitment to this one night of the season.
I was sooo hoping that each box would buzz a loud "ehhh!!!" when Chris H took them out to count. I didn't hear any in the background, maybe it's a feature they can add for next season.
At any rate, here is the vote:
KAITLYN!!! Kermit flail of happiness!
We still had a rose ceremony tonight, so we'll bid adieu to these guys:
Brady/Mackelmore sent himself home because he loved Britt too much to stay without her; Joe our Magic Mike reject; Brad and his sweatband; and the only Canadian in the pack. I didn't catch his name, but he looked like a ginger-haired version of Louie Anderson. Look at the bios, you'll be able to find him pretty easily.
I leave you with one of the best representations of 80's music and workout fashion: "Let's get physical, physical...!" You're welcome!
See you next week :)
It's been awhile and it feels good to be back with you!
Britt looks like she's the Disney princess caricature of a regular human like Buzzfeed did to their staffers here. The big, dopey eyes and saccharine sweet persona are too much. Glad to see she ditched the glittery make-up for tonight, but Kaitlyn looks amazing. Beautiful navy dress, soft curls - stunning.
I didn't pregame going into this season so have no idea what these guys have to offer outside of what's shown on TV - from episode 1 last night there are a few goobers already in the mix:
Jared (L) is like a knock-off version of Brooks (R) from Des' season:
vs 
Brady has an on-again-off-again British accent, and looks like the result if you added Mackelmore & Larry Sr from "The Long Island Medium" together:
=
Tony talks to bonsai trees and was sporting a shiner (what up, bro? A little fisticuffs, maybe?)
Kupah wants a trophy wife; and in my head I pronounced his name like chutzpah (which would have been a million times better!)
Josh is a law student by day, stripper by night (and not a very good one at that ... eek!)
And Brad looked like he just wanted to get physical* (*10 points to whoever guesses correctly what I am referring to!):
The douche of the night was Ryan M. - he got plastered and came off like a total a-hole. He wanted to take one of the girls out for a steak dinner and never call her again, heckled one of the other contestants before he even got to talk to the ladies, touched Kaitlyn's butt uninvited, and told a joke about rape. That's an oxy-moron but you know what I mean. Thankfully our fearless leader Chris Harrison called him out and kicked him off.
The men got to vote for which woman they would rather keep around. Awkward for all, and I just kept hoping they'd keep Kaitlyn and send Britt packing. What was fun about it though were the "Operation" type ballot boxes:
Yes, someone was commissioned to carve the outline of a rose into two wooden boxes specifically for this occasion. That's kind of sad - but kudos to the production team for their commitment to this one night of the season.
I was sooo hoping that each box would buzz a loud "ehhh!!!" when Chris H took them out to count. I didn't hear any in the background, maybe it's a feature they can add for next season.
At any rate, here is the vote:
We still had a rose ceremony tonight, so we'll bid adieu to these guys:
Brady/Mackelmore sent himself home because he loved Britt too much to stay without her; Joe our Magic Mike reject; Brad and his sweatband; and the only Canadian in the pack. I didn't catch his name, but he looked like a ginger-haired version of Louie Anderson. Look at the bios, you'll be able to find him pretty easily.
I leave you with one of the best representations of 80's music and workout fashion: "Let's get physical, physical...!" You're welcome!
See you next week :)
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