1/3/17: The Bachelor - we're back, bitches!

New year, new you, same Nick.  So, some things never change - we already knew that, right?  We pick up after a major hiatus and find our old friend waiting for us.  The four horseman of the apocalypse met for whiskey and Anderson Cooper giggles, and to strategically remind us how far Nick's come during his tenure in the franchise.

2 failures, 1 success, and Nick

After some fist bumps, "dudes", and sage advise from the latest alum who just broke up with his betrothed (looking at you, Ben) it's time to get ready.

A few notes right off the top before we dig into the Gal Pals:
- The ABC stylists are doing him proud, buddy looks nice in a suit.
- The Bachelor patented v-neck t-shirts are still around.  I spotted a black one during the first 10 minutes of the show.  I'd be very happy if I never had to see these on any man ever again.  Sean Lowe I'm placing all that blame on you, here.
- I'm happy Nick's stuck with the scruff; it suits his face
- Was it necessary to showcase the lawyer vacuuming her house?  Like, do we need to be reassured that she's domestic even though she's smarts?  Feminist movement: it's a thing.  Look it up.

Ladies in Red

At least half the gals seemed to be wearing red dresses; it's fun that they coordinated like that.  One girl came in on a camel, one brought an uncooked hotdog, and Neil Lane showed up with a former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader!  I knew I had seen Jasmine G. somewhere before!

Among the WINNERS (and I say that sarcastically ... they're all losers):

1. Crazy Cat Lady Josephine: among being a nursing student she is quite connected to her inner animal.  If she doesn't win I think this is her future:

2. Sharknado Alexis:

No, it's really not

3. Ivanka Trump Corinne: she's so busy running her dads "multi-million dollar business" I'm surprised she had time to fit this in

*sarcastically* They're virtually the same person!

4. The Ghost of Girlfriends Past Liz: she was in Jade & Tanner's wedding and had a drunken one night stand with Nick.  I guess she got the taste of something she liked and is back for more *rawr*

Rose Ceremony

Ok, let's weed some of these extras out.  Rachel got the First Impression rose, which left us with 21 more to hand out.  We bid a fond farewell to the girls we'll never get to know, and won't remember tomorrow: Angela, Briana, Ida Marie, Jasmine B., Lauren, Michelle, Olivia, and Susannah.  Bon voyage, mes amis!

We're teased with the arctic tundra, seaplanes, New Orleans, boats, THE BACKSTREET BOYS!!!, and Nick's undying support of LIVESTRONG.  

Oh hun...it's time to let it go

Stay tuned for tears, sex, anger - and one heck of an engagement ring!

See you next week :)