6/30/15: The Bachelorette - wk 7

We pick up where we left off last week with Kaitlyn mid-bite as Shawn Gosling pays her a visit.  She thinks he knows about her tryst with Nick, but really he's just freaking the F out that he hasn't gotten a rose yet.  Chillax, bro.  She calms him down enough that he goes away and she can get back to her room service.  Whew, crisis averted!

Time for the dreaded 2:1 date, with guys we forgot were even on the show.  They board the SS Minnow to head to a grassy knoll for a picnic. The rose is between JJ and Joe (I know - who??)  Pictures to remind you, it's between Dink Teeth and Forehead Dimple:

Who would you rather?

I can't even believe this is a question for her.  Dimple is already falling in love with her (how & when?  They've spent like 5 minutes together in the past 7 weeks) and Teeth just wants to make sure she knows he cheated on his ex wife and that's why he's on the show.  That's all Kaitlyn needed to hear to send JJ packing.  But, she's not ready to give Joe the rose yet either and they leave JJ stranded on the beach so they can spend more time together. 

They have conversation and Dimple gets a rose.  Gosling can't handle the details of their date and has to go to Kaitlyn's room AGAIN to talk to her.  WTF is up with this guy?  He's turning into a Stage 5 Clinger and it's really not attractive.  Kaitlyn couldn't be more annoyed by it, this is her reaction when the producers tell her he's on his way:

Pretty sure the Earth's axis was jarred by this epic eyeroll.

She calms him down, one more time, so he feels OK about their relationship and can go to bed.  Oy.  Time for the cocktail party! 

Kaitlyn sets it up with the worst monolog ever - talking about how she's made mistakes, how it's been a tough week, etc.  The guys are whipped into a frenzy, most notably:

Nick Lithgow - who's crying:

and Generic Gosling - who's freaking out again:

He's scurred.

 

Is he going to jump in the fire?  Does he have a Nick voodoo doll in there?  So many questions!

 

The only one who seems to have his shit together is Tanner.  He sees the writing on the wall and is probably just thankful to have gotten a free trip to Ireland out of the deal.  He accepts his fate and leaves with dignity.  However, Kaitlyn decides to keep the jaundiced dentist Chris Cupcake instead of the beefy Ben Z.  What the what??

Yeah, so his eyes are a little crossed - but he's still way better looking than the dentist!  Did anyone else noticed how yellow Chris Cupcake looked last night?  And ironically I don't like his teeth.  Hehe

All that happened but the bigger deal was OG's tie:

Is this the first time we're seeing Chris H wear a patterned tie?  I can't remember seeing him in anything but solids - and this wouldn't have been my first choice.  Maybe it was a gift from his kids ... either way he and Kaitlyn had an entire conversation before the rose ceremony and I have no idea what was said because I was staring at his neck wear.  I'm now on Tie Watch for next week! 

Any way.  Time to take a road trip to Killarny.  She shoves 5 dudes on the Paddy Wagon (not what it sounds like, unfortunately) and throws caution to the wind asking Jared to ride shotgun and they'll drive together.  Given how Gosling was sawing the logs in the bus I would have opted for that car ride too:

Now this def threw the Earth's axis off - zzzzzzzzzzz

Kaitlyn and Patches McGee take selfies on bridges, kiss the Blarney stone, and tour her haunted castle hotel room.  All the while I'm wishing he would shave his face:

He's got that gross, spotty whisker thing going that really makes it seem like he doesn't have enough testorone to grunt out a full beard.  It's not cute, it has to be scratchy as hell to snuggle up to, and he just needs to stop trying.  Shave the fuzz, buddy.  Please.

Now that the whole team has arrived, OG decides to turn the rules on Kaitlyn a little.  While playing dumb about her romp with Nick (c'mon - you saw the footage, don't try to fool us) he suggests they change the timing and have Kaitlyn send home 3 dudes this week, go to fantasy suites with them, narrow that down to 2, and then go meet the Fockers.  She's on board, so he drops the bomb on the guys, and the first victim for a 1:1 is Chris Cupcake.  It basically went down like this:

1) Helicopter ride to the Cliffs
2) Conversation that went "How are you?" "I'm ok, how are you?" "I'm doing alright, how are you?"
3) Kaitlyn crying and Chris consoling her like a girlfriend would do

 4) Kaitlyn giving Chris the kiss-off and hopping back in said helicopter to fly away

 5) Chris is left sobbing like a little girl, on the edge of a cliff.  Do these producers get recruited from the suicide hotline?  For real, this is dangerous

 This is where we're left for next week.  I don't know if he jumps, if he is successfully talked off the ledge, or what the fate is of the rest of the crew.  All I know is Fatasy Suite dates this early on is going to bring more drama, and Gosling is going to lose his F'ing mind !!!  HAHAHAHA  I can't wait!

See you next week :)