Here is what you need to know from Monday's installment of The Bachelorette:
Clint and his Andre the Giant hands were sent home once we resumed the To Be Continued from last week; JJ was crying like he just got waxed for the first time and I thought for a split second he was going to run after the van hauling Clint to the airport. Unfortunately, he slapped sense into himself (literally - wtf is wrong with this guy?!) and stayed. Boo
Kaitlyn doesn't want to do a rose ceremony after all the Giant drama so Chris H tells the man meat to pack their bags - they're all heading to NYC!
Thanks to tonight's sponsor, The Knickerbocker, the team stayed in style right in the heart of the Big Apple. ABC needs to be a little more subtle about plugging the sponsors of the show - we're getting to the point that it feels like the commercial breaks are being plopped in the middle of the plot lines.
Group Date #1
Rapping, with Doug E. Fresh.
I couldn't name one of his songs but I remember watching him on "I Love the 80s/90s" on VH1 -- he's a funny guy! Kaitlyn apparently is really into rap, but sadly most of her suitors are not.
JJ: "I listen exclusively to showtunes." Least surprising confession I've heard yet - and can we please discuss what a "former" investment banker does? Does he even have a job right now? PS his teeth still bother me.
And Justin Jenner still has the remnants of a black eye. How long ago was the boxing date? Like 3 weeks ago, right? How does he still have a black eye?? Granted it's an ugly shade of squash now, but I'm concerned he has some underlying health issue that prevents him from healing in the normal amount of time. Somthing to keep an eye on (see what I did there? Yep, couldn't resist)
I can't really tell you if anyone was decent because the camera started maniacally panning to the back of the club to show us Nick Lithgow lurking in the shadows. Notice who is sitting to his left:
KardAshley!!! We didn't get time to really catch up with her, just saw Kaitlyn hug her and then geek out over Nick being there. He slurred and spitted his way through telling us why he was there and that he wanted to be on the show. That threw our girl into a tizzy and she couldn't find her left hand from her right hand to make a decision. She chose the post-rap happy hour on a boat to tell the guys she's thinking of adding another rooster to the barn, and the reactions were exactly what you'd hope for. Sheer disgust at Lithgow (it's refreshing how many of these guys keep up with other seasons!) and the desire to drink.
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| Hang on, Generic Gosling, the bartender is coming. |
Bestowed upon Jared Brooks Cruise (he's got a little, tiny bit of Tom in him - and that name would actually be pretty amazing. Dibs!) They get all gussied up and head to the Met for an evening alone amongst some of the most amazing art in the world. I felt bad for him because half his date was Kaitlyn talking about Nick and how she's going to break the news to the guys that she gave him the green light to join the cast. Finally JBC recites a poem that snaps her back to reality; just in time for a surprise heli ride!!! The first of the season!!
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| Finally! |
Kaitlyn went to get her hair did for the date with JBC and to get some advice. You read that right, she trusts this wacko to give her sound dating advice. The girl who thought a pomegranate was an onion. Wouldn't be my first choice, but to each their own.
Group Date #2
Our ears were subjected to more bad singing because Kaitlyn dragged the next set of dudes to the stage of "Aladdin" to do try-outs for a cameo in the evening's show. Just what you want when you go to Broadway - reality TV folks parading around during your play!
Joe and his forehead dimple were having none of this:
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| You want me to do what?! |
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| Dude looks just like him! |
After "Aladdin", Kaitlyn busts into their room to drop the bomb that Nick Lithgow is moving in with them that evening. Here we have captured the 3 main reactions:
Lets go from R to L -
- Ben Brady is scared and threatened, and maybe a little confused
- Shawn Gosling is incredulous and super judgemental of her decision (you, betch)
- And Corey seems to be relaxing in his hotel slippers too much to care; good for you, enjoy that swag
We fade out with the image of Nick wheeling his suitcase to their room (after what seemed like the 10 mile trek through New York; did production just leave him at JFK and tell him to hoof it to the hotel?)
Running credits and we catch up with Britt and Mackelmore - I told you I suspected we'd have to follow these two weirdos all season. They are still going strong as BF/GF and Britt can't get that smile, or glitter, off her face. I imagine she lives in a world designed by Lisa Frank.
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| Yep, seems about right. |
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