ABC was beyond clever with the undertones of the episode:
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| The birds... |
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| ...and the bees |
We pick up in TX with Ian letting his true colors shine through. Kaitlyn was pretty much:
So he left and he was pretty much:
Glad we all agree on that point; and Ian - if you're the next Bachelor than I am the next Queen of England. Not gonna happen. No. Just no. And fix your hairline - it's distracting to figure out if you electively shave your head or if it's an attempt to cover up a monk's spot. What is up??
Rose Ceremony
Speaking of true colors, check out all the TX flag spirit at the Alamo! Play a little game: how many flags can you count? They have so much state pride, it's really impressive. But, really, can you blame them? Texas produced Chris Harrison - and for that we are all eternally grateful.
Justin's hopes deflated like Kylie Jenner's lips; he was sent home. As was Joshua and his half-done hairdo. He couldn't find another clippers to finish what she started the night before? Hope his first stop when he gets home is Fantastic Sams.
I think OG, Kaitlyn, and Cupcake all called each other the night before to coordinate their outfits too:
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| Pantone Color of the Year 2014! Nice choice, very flattering on all skin types. |
First Date
Nick. Ish. Terms to familiarize yourself with to summarize the date:
1. Beer Goggles
2. Walk Of Shame
3. Awash With Regret
We're on a roll this season seeing how many nationalities we can mock and make fun of; for those keeping track we've so far nailed Sumos (Japan), Mariachi (Mexico), and Ireland.
The girl in the far left with the tan jacket was just as appalled. Let's go in for a closer look:
She seems to feel compelled to record it for proof that Americans are as dumb as the rest of the world thinks; Lithgow is happy to oblige. You can't not watch as much as you hate yourself for giving them an audience. You can see the shade and self-loathing in her face:
Sadly Kaitlyn and Nick spend all day (and night) together. They have dinner, they have drinks, they feel each other up at a pub, outside some stores, on a gate, and in her hotel room. Then comes the dreaded closed door and sound bites *urp*. I don't judge her for being physical with one of the men, I totally agree that attraction and connection on that level is really important - I just judge her for doing it with him. She couldn't have picked Generic Gosling?! That I would totally understand! *shudder*
Funnily enough she's working through her own demons the next morning:
My sentiments, exactly. What were you thinking? Refer to "Beer Goggles" for a pretty solid explanation.
Group Date
To continue with the tradition set this season, we had another weird date. An Irish wake. You think I'm kidding?
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| Yep; that's our girl ... in a coffin. Huh. |
Not surprising the men found it just as perplexing, but once they got into the spirit of "celebration of life" versus "mourning the dead" they had some fun with it. I have to say, Tanner won the date with his poem:
I once dated a girl with 25 men
She was beautiful; her name was Kait-len.
But all we ever did
Was date in groups;
She made me dress up and jump through hoops!
How I'm still here nobody knows;
Hell, even I'm surprised that I got a rose.
But I like you and want time tonight, so put it in your planner.
And in case you forgot,
My name is Tanner
Done. Hilarious! They toast to the afternoon, listen to some adorable Irish guys singing "Whiskey in the Jar" and then go to part 2 of their date at Guiness.
In her time alone with each guy she was blown away by Jared and gave him the rose. They got to go to a church for some alone time and we got our first concert of the season! The Cranberries!
Finally someone I've heard of! And like! Even better!! The rose just about put an end to Generic Gosling; by the time credits were ready to roll he was in a meltdown. He wants to go home, Kaitlyn wants to go home -- it's pandamoneum!
We're left with the following teasers: will Nick spill the beans on their intimate evening? Will Kaitlyn tell the guys what happened? Will Gosling leave? And why is everyone crying????
What is happening?!
Aubrey and I need to know!!! (PS - is this not one of the best captures ever???!!! Props to the camera crew on "Marriage Bootcamp: Reality Stars" for this -- the other show I watch religiously and you should too)
So we wait. And in the meantime have to catch up with Britt and Mackelmore...again. I'm so tired of them. This time she brought him home to meet her mom:
Mom friend-zoned him, but Britt still has high hopes that it's going places. Maybe to the store to find a new hat?
See you next week!
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