Last night we had the finale of JP's season with the After the Final Rose special immediately following. In the finale the women (Clare and Nikki) met his family, including the cousin with braces, and went on their final dates. Chronologically here is the rundown:
Clare was first and seemed to bond with his mom over his arrogance and lack of tact, both finding comfort in the fact that he's made them both cry. Aw, warm fuzzies! Then came the final date where JP whisked her away for a helicopter ride and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Oops, scratch that - he whispered nothing sweet in her ear (had momentary dyslexia!) Apparently he told her he doesn't really know anything about her but just really likes to hook up with her. Her red-flag alarms were ringing loud enough for the live audience in LA to hear, but she pushed them aside and he won her over again. And really, talk about a one-track-mind: the minute he gets to her door and she doesn't kiss him that is all he is focused on. "No besos?" NO. He tries to blame Clare for being so attractive and breaking her own rule about going easy on the kissing, which makes him look like a troll for being unable to accept personal responsibility for his actions (again). And he really is self-centered in all his conversations, managing to make their emotions seem less important than his own. Clare: "This has been hard for me." JP: "This has been hard for me too, you know - Cameeeela, what women do I like, eees hard." He's an emotional one-upper.
Nikki's final date was next, and it was awkward to watch. I don't know if she was having a lot of inner dialog that caused so many weird silences, or if her red-flag radar was dinging too and she proceed to ignore it as well. All I know is they didn't talk a lot again/still and he played with her hair again/still.
Stare into the corner of the room, not talking ... that's not weird at all.
Dude, really - stop touching her hair. She's not feeling it and seems to be mentally wishing herself away from you. As I would be too.
We don't see JP meet with Neil Lane but he does have a ring - it's beautiful, but that's par for the course on TB. Now it's time for the Bataan Death March, er I mean the Final Rose Ceremony:
Clare
Good dress, bad earrings:
Clare trudges her way through the mud path to find JP sweating at the FRC site (seriously, the producers could have told the women to wear flats while wandering first on the beach and then through the mud to get to JuanPabs; I would have been ticked to ruin pretty shoes). He stared at her until she started talking first, where she gushed about how much they've grown and how much she believes in him. He starts out sweet, talking about her baby bump intro on Night 1, and then it goes downhill. He isn't jiving with her and wants her to go home. He goes in for the hug goodbye and Clare pushes him away, walks away, and tells him off. FINALLY!!! She tells the camera she realizes he is not the man she thought he was, wouldn't want a man like him to be the father of her children, and he basically sucks. You could literally hear the loud cheers from the live studio audience over the show dialog at this point - everyone was happy that she at last saw past his Rico Suave routine and found the path to sanity. After she walks away JP said outloud "Boy, I'm glad I didn't pick her." Anything I'd have to say about that is NSFW so use your imagination.
Lucky for her she got to run right into Chris Harrison's arms (rawr! Is it just me or did he look particularly foxy last night?) The boat couldn't have gone fast enough for her at this point, and as annoyingly crazy as I still think she is I am so happy she dodged the JP bullet.
Nikki
If you enlarge the picture I'm pretty sure she was choking back vomit on her walk to the FRC.
JP again stands there in silence again until Nikki starts talking first - which was filled with a lot of "I don't know" and "I like you". Deep stuff. JP then starts to ramble about how he likes her, thinks she's beautiful, but won't propose even though he has a ring in his pocket. Instead he offers her his final rose. The look on her face read to me as disbelief, disappointment, and just enough hesitation to say "No thanks" -- do you agree?:
Nothing about her expression screams excitement or thrill ...
Either way she finally says sure and they lived happily ever after. Or not.
After the Final Rose
We segue to the After special where Clare dishes about the helicopter ride gone sour, her true feelings about JP, and her impression of the season and him in general. She seems to be happier now, has no desire to see JP again, and swiftly exits before he comes out. Nikki comes out next and seems defensive of their relationship (or lack thereof) and the fact that he has never actually said "I love you" to her. 4 months after taping you'd think that would have happened, but she brushes it off as OK and they bring out the man of the hour.
Everyone seemed irritated with him about how he dodged the simple follow up questions posed, still not answering if he is in love with Nikki. They are hoping to keep their lives private now that the show is over, and are ready to wash their hands of the entire experience or further ties. Catherine (Sean's wife) told him to not bite the hand that feeds you and be a little more forthcoming with the show that made this all possible. JP of course didn't understand that phrase so CH had to explain it to him, after which he still refused to answer.
Given his never ending language barrier, JP will never understand irony like that.
As JP took his lashings from Chris and the alum he and Nikki kept scooting closer and closer to each other - to me it looked like thinly veiled attempts to show the world they are happy, and I'm not buying it.
In the end, JP proved to be motivated by lust not love, and I don't give Nikki a fighting chance to make it to summer with him.
Moral of the story: never trust a bro with an anklet:
Thank you for sticking with me through this very trying season - hopefully the next installment of The Bachelorette this summer proves easier to stomach. Speaking of which, we have our next Bachelorette:
Andi!
She is taking time off from fighting the drug lords of Atlanta to find her lobster*. I am pleased with the (albeit predictable) choice and have high hopes for her to find a good guy. She looked great last night rocking the discoball mini dress :) See you May 19th for the opener!
* if you know that reference you are my new best friend
No comments:
Post a Comment