5/20/14: The Bachelorette - Ep 1

Good morning  yinz, let’s dive into the 1^st episode!

We join Andi and her Chiclet teeth:

on her “love quest” (as J.J. so eloquently put it).  She had 25 guys from all walks of life arrive to the mansion: among them we had a doctor with a bob, a farmer with no top lip, a wedding planner with a faux hawk, a golfer I've never heard of, and a “pantsapreneur” dressed like Pee Wee Herman.  With the exception of the latter there are more legit careers than the “dog lover” and “free spirit” we saw on Juan Pablo’s season.  Good for her – she needs a man that can keep up with her ambition.  Almost all introduced themselves in a much more normal style than we’ve seen in seasons past; a few exceptions to that were the arrivals of:

1. Brett & his mullet, who shall henceforth be known as Brick Tamland, for literally stealing a lamp from his hotel room to gift to Andi.

I love lamp

2. Cody (the lovechild of Tan Mom and a Cupie doll) who pushed a non-broken-down limo up the driveway and greeted Andi out of breath and sweaty.  Yummy.

Just try to tell me you don't see that resemblance!  

3. Emil for using the mnemonic trick of "like anal with an M" to help us all pronounce his name.  That word should never be used to introduce yourself to a potential mate - just FYI.

Most of the men seemed adorably nervous, and some were just as charming as I imagined them to be (I'm looking at you, Josh M. - you are dreamy!)  Andi seems to have connected with a few of the men right off the bat, bestowing the First Impression rose on Nick V.  There's something not quite right about this guy, but I can't put my finger on what the problem is.  Give me a few weeks, I'm sure I'll figure it out in no time.

The spotlight was stolen by another couple in the house, however: Patrick and Andrew.  They have a burgeoning bromance, and I for one am so excited they found a spark on the first night!  These two are the couple to watch this season :)

We had an uninvited houseguest show up to crash - Chris B. from Emily Maynard's season and a season of "Bachelor Pad" with his pale eyes and villain-esque cocked eyebrows.  It didn't appear as though Andi had any clue who he was, but he was adamant with the producers and Chris Harrison that he speak with her.  He was rebuffed and escorted off the property by security -- but not before coming off as a total creeper/stalker.

In all we sent home 6 gentlemen last night: Anal (whoops, I meant Emil), Mike, Rudie, Jason, Steven, and Josh B.   Some parting words:

Rudie: saying "Oh my gosh" sounded more like:

Jason had a question: "I wonder if there was something that would have changed her mind?"

And I had an answer: Get a haircut.

Josh B. turned into Bitter Betty once drunk - he ranged emotions from disgust and hatred for the show, to crying on camera for being sent home.  Slightly belligerent, and very embarrassing (which I love!)  There's bound to be one in every season and it's always funnier to me when it's a guy having a melodramatic emotional crisis on national television.  I'm just evil that way, I guess :)

At any rate we've got our list of 19 to start the season with!  See you next week!