A hearty WELCOME BACK #BachelorNation - it's good to see you :) Just a reminder, here is our Bachelor this season:
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| Ben Higgins - reject from the last Bachelorette |
We start with the typical Bachelor background story:
- Small town boy
- Feels unloveable
- Shots of him playing solo basketball
- Shots of him standing against a rando tree
- Him leading the townie parade (which brought back painful memories of the half-assed one Mr. Becky and I got stuck behind in the middle of South Dakota on the 4th of July last year ... it was awful)
- Ben's Mom crying
- Ben crying
You know, the usual. It's like production has a checklist of every cliche they need to capture lest we might forget what show we're watching.
The Bachelor has joined forces with McD's to cross promote - ironic considering most of these participants look like they haven't set foot in a McDonald's in about 20 years. You don't get those abs eating Big Macs or Hot Cakes. But I digress.
We start the journey1 with Ben talking to 3 alum:
1. Chris Soules -- who FAILED to find lifetime love on the show
2. Sean Lowe -- Succeeded, oddly enough, to secure a wife (and they are still together)
3. Jason Mesnick -- FAILED, epically, trading his Chosen One in for the runner up girl. WORST BREAK UP EVER...but soooo amazing to watch!
To get things moving along toward the intros we're teased with Becca (Chris' reject), Amber (Chris' reject), twin sisters (um, that's weird ... and gross if you think about it), and a girl toting a mini horse. Everything is promised to be magical2, and dramtical3.
Highlights/Lowlights (it's a toss up really):
~ Caila - dumped her boyfriend when she saw Ben on TV (seriously)
~ Jubilee - Army vet with quote gems like "I'm on a mission to win Ben's heart", "There will probably be some casualties" and "All's fair in love and war." Did you catch that? She's a military girl. Just had to make sure. PS - I am super distracted by the faint tattoo on her thigh. Is it words? A picture? What is it???
~ Mandi - who had to be the inspiration for Jennifer Aniston's crazy-ass dentist character in Horrible Bosses
~ Amanda - the token single mom, with a baby voice that is BEYOND annoying
~ Tiara - a "chicken enthusiast" (her words, not mine)
~ Samantha - daddy issues (not minimizing his illness or her loss, but it's a given there is at least one sob story in the bunch)
There's a girl who didn't tell Ben her name (he asked 3 times ... nothing), Shoshana that didn't speak a word of English, Breanne threw breadsticks around ("gluten is Satan"), and Izzy came in her footy pajamas. Not a bad idea considering how long they are there that first night. I'd rather be comfy too!
Tears, drunks, jealousy - just your typical cocktail party. Time for the rose ceremony! We bid adieu to the following: Red Velvet, Gluten Ninja, No Name Steaks, a girl in a sparkly top (seriously can't remember who she is), Chicken Lady, Lil Sebastian, and Jammy Time.
Surprising choices to make it to next week: Lace (drunk as a skunk), Twins Basil, Mandi with an I. Really??!!
I leave you with the following image, which will haunt my nightmares until next week:
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| I promise, that's not even Photoshopped! |
Shot Count:
1 The franchise's most favorite word
2 The contestant's most favoritest word
3 The franchise's second most favorite word
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