Will Andi live the life as a homemaker in
Iowa? Will she be overshadowed by a
young footballer hoping to get drafted?
Or will Nick V. bring her “home” to a shallow grave? Let’s find out!
We're off to our first destination: Milwaukee, home to serial killer Nick/Lithgow. I've been hoping we'll actually meet his family members and not a pile of dead bodies in his freezer - so, fingers crossed! Andi is too cool for a cheese hat, and they had awkward chemistry; he had his hands in his pockets the entire time ... if you're thinking you'll be engaged in 2 weeks wouldn't you hold hands or something? They sampled the "Nick & Andi" brew conveniently placed at the brewhouse they toured. My spidey senses tell me the special ingredient is roofies. Probable internal monologue for Nick: "Let's get Andi a Big Gulp size!" Their date was (thankfully) interrupted by a severe weather update, so we rejoined just in time to arrive to his house. Nick's parents need a hobby stat - they have like 15 kids, including an alleged brother "Sam" that looks just like Nick. I'm inclined to say "Sam" is Nick's alter ego, and given how creepy Nick is his family just pretends he's real. Anyway, to stop the constant procreation I think his mom could take up scrapbooking and his dad should become an avid coin collector. There's got to be something else to do in WI! OItherwise, it's time for twin beds like the Petrie's:
 |
| That's the most contact Mr. & Mrs. Lithgow should have from here on out - neutral corners! |
We left 19 kids and counting to go to Arlington, Iowa. One snooze fest after another. The Bachelor Farmer Chris is waiting for her while casually standing in front of a tractor. He takes her for a spin on said tractor, and then they start to talk about the reality of living in Iowa. Chris tells Andi that she has the opportunity to be a housewife -- she was as excited at that prospect as she would be about getting her annual lady check-up. I think Chris has a better chance of becoming a househusband in ATL. Let's gloss over those unpleasant conversations and meet his family! I LOVE his mom - she is warm, funny, supportive...she gets a rose! J/K but I wish, I would make her a new bestie!
Time to depart the Midwest and head south to FL! Josh plays baseball with Andi, and then talks a little bit about his love for the game and it's bittersweet now that he doesn't play; sad face. We get a preview of his brother Aaron who was waiting to be drafted in the NFL (real-time update he is now a KC Chief). I finally realized why I am so smitten with Josh - his looks and drawl remind me of a young Elvis Presley -- DREAMY. Andi is an attention-floozy and is off-put that Josh is asking questions about how his brother is doing instead of making the entire conversation about her. Don't get me wrong, it's important they get to know her but this is normal family dinner table conversation to talk about other people. Andi's already projecting problems with him being close to his family and worrying that Josh might want to go to a football game once in a while if his brother gets drafted. Wow, lady - chill.out. He has his own life/family/interests outside of you -- surprise! Ugh, she's annoying on this visit.
Let's move on to our final destination to visit Marcus in TX. I wonder if the Benz is his or a rental? What does he do again for a job? Gad, I can't remember. Whatever, nice wheels. They go to an empty club and have champagne at 10AM. This is a day in his normal life? Oh wait, he's doing an encore stripper performance. Please stop, that's just weird. PS I've seen better moves at the '90s - maybe he should have had more bubbly. Reminds me of the white-man-overbite in When Harry Met Sally:
 |
| That's hot. |
Marcus' niece made them bracelets, and Marcus' mom had a confusing accent. Where is she from? Did I zone out while they did intros and explained their nationality? Details, meh. He brought our man tears to an even 4 for 4 -- at least our guys are predictable!
Now we are forced to deal with the loss of Eric Hill once again. I warned you in week 2 that I can't handle anymore of that -- why must you torture us more ABC??? It was nice to see Andi have real emotions and regret the ridiculous argument she picked with him, but I don't want to be the therapist assigned to helping her work through that guilt. To add some comic relief I played Spot-the-Scarf. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!
 |
| Marcus! With a side of capri pants |
I should have been watching the credits closer for a list of sponsors for this season - there has to be a supplier that gets these guys new neckerchiefs week after week!
Dry your eyes because it's time for the Rose Ceremony (just know it's not me hustling you along, that's literally how the show moved. Awkward and uncomfortable, and a little insensitive to be a peeping tom watching these people cry for a lost cast mate). We bid adieu to Marcus. I think his fashion sense was getting a little better than Andi's - and she was not about to have that.
Next week is our last elimination before the Finale!! Stay tuned to find out how the Fantasy Suite dates go in the Dominican ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment