Happy Tuesday!
No earth-shattering announcements from the
Bachelor world today, so we can get right down to business.
Let’s start with the first group date:
Camping! Or as KardAshley thought, GLAMping
Picturing her in Iowa is like the lost
season of The Simple
Life – not a good idea.
Again, I’ve never seen so many women with
full make-up on for lake swimming and camping.
Kelsey was not having a great
time and kept complaining about having to rough it with a bunch of chicks
(Chris included in that, our farmer couldn’t even put up his own tent) – but
karma came back and bit her. Well, stung
is more like it; she got stabbed by a bee during her interview time! Be more grateful or go home – there are girls
back at the house who are just napping in the pool right now. Geez (in
case you can’t tell this is sarcasm)
BTW getting to the camp site was like a
cable-TV version of Crossroads:
Starring D-list actors you’ve ever heard of
– wait, that’s like the major motion picture too!
At the campfire that night Mackenzie was
talking about aliens again, but Ashley
S. stole the spotlight. She was back
to her wacky antics cornering the bach:
Say what?!
Every time you’ve talked to our Bachelor Farmer you’ve been tripping on
something potent! How can you be in love????
 |
| Scared. Very, very scared. |
Chris’ 3 sisters paid a visit to the
mansion last night to pick a lovely lady for a one-on-one date. Nothing too noteworthy except Whitney looked like she should be
related to them (hair/eye coloring and even facial features looked
similar!). They interviewed each chick
and chose Jade. She got the Cinderella treatment,
literally. Behold, the first shameless
plug of the season!
Our fairy godmother:
She bestowed a pair of Louboutins, diamond
earrings, and a smashing blue dress upon Jade.
The first two things she got to keep – jealous!!
While they were getting ready they “spontaneously”
watched a trailer for the new movie:
 |
| Another live-action abomination of a Disney classic. When will the insanity stop?! |
As Jade departed to meet up with Prince
Farming she looked lovely:
And ABC played up the ugly stepsister vibe
as the other women watched her leave:
 |
| Classic. |
Jade arrived to some rando mansion for
dinner and dancing. The entire time we
were subjected to subliminal messaging about why we’re really here:
 |
| Cinderella |
 |
| Cinderella! |
 |
| CINDERELLA!!! |
Finally it’s midnight and she has to go
home. I don’t know how much more I could
have handled of that saccharine date. Time
for group date #2!
The Running of the Brides
5 of our ladies got dressed up in wedding
dresses to do a mud run for MS. To get
in the spirit some decided to put the mud on like eye black, while Becca thought it was a free facial:
 |
| That’s not how you apply it, Becca. It goes under your eyes, not all over your face. |
They raced to win a 1:1 with Chris. Jillian
beat everyone (no surprise there, she’s the Bionic (wo)Man, afterall) but it
was really Chris who won. The prize: two
tickets to the gun show:
Their date consisted of Jillian talking
about herself the entire time and how she has no goals or lifeplan; Chris was
bored and decided to daydream about unicorns and rainbows. Seriously, those were his words. In the end he chose to send her
home. I don’t think anyone was sad to
see her go, I for one was tired of looking at her and her blacked-out butt.
Time for the cocktail party!
I am annoyed by Britt’s earrings. To be
specific, these teal sticks that she is ALWAYS wearing:
What’s even worse is she has them in her 2nd
holes. She over-accessorizes with
plastic jewelry: stick earrings, gaudy rings, etc. Over it.
In total Chris sent home the following:
Nikki, Juelia
Gulia, and Ashley S. She had to have seen this coming, but that
didn’t stop her from throwing some serious shade at our bachelor. If looks could kill:
He’ll wish he was dead – I wouldn’t put it
past her to try to burn the house down.
Welp, there we have it! See you next week - filled with teasers of TONS OF DRAMA (translation: a visit from the EMT). I can't wait J
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