Week 3 – who’s ready?!
Before we begin tonight’s
journey we have to celebrate 2 WEDDINGS:
#1:
Des and Chris made it official
this past Saturday, tying the knot in sunny California. No wedding pics
released yet but they have the poe-tential to be amazing!
#2: The second congrats is to
Shannon and Nick. More to come on that later J
Ok, now back to present
matters.
ABC added a much needed dose of
sarcasm and passive aggressive mockery by throwing Jimmy Kimmel in the mix to
help our Bachelor Farmer this week! He arranged dates, crashed dates, and
had the best exit interview ever J Inspired by
Hollywood’s awards season, we’re going to try something new today and name each
date with a movie title reflective of the events. Ready? Let’s go.
First date: Hot Tub Time
Machine
This 1:1 went to Kaitlyn
aka Miley (Cyrus – tell me you don’t see that!), and her and Chris got to do
some wholesale shopping at Costco!
They bought Jimmy some pants,
more ketchup than any human would need in a 5 year span, and prepared for a
tricycle BBQ. Chris and Jimmy hit it off swimmingly (pun intended), and I
guess the red lipstick our bachelor was sporting all night was evidence that he
and Miley did as well. The three capped it off with a little relaxing in
the hot tub:
Group Date: Babe
The ladies were tasked with farm
related competition events: shuck corn, retrieve an egg from a chicken coop,
cook that egg, milk a goat, drink that milk, shovel some s*&t, and then
wrassel a piglet. Jillian demonstrated her Bionic (wo)Man skills
by leaping this fence in a single bound:
Apparently her butt sticks out
of every pair of bottoms she brought with her – perhaps Chris and Miley should
have bought her new drawers at Costco too.
Our cruise ship singer Carly
was victorious, but again didn’t really win anything but a blue ribbon and an
“American Gothic” photo with Chris (was that the only artwork they could get
the rights to use? First Cupee Cody and now this … I sense a
pattern). I’d pass on those ‘prizes’ if it meant I didn’t have to drink
that warm, unpasteurized milk. *gag*
3rd Date: Wedding
Crashers
Baby-making Whitney got
this date, and her and Chris were whisked away for a picnic at a local
vineyard. While chatting and swilling, they spotted a wedding in the
distance (the aforementioned Shannon & Nick). Whitney proposes they
crash it, and Chris is pink with barely contained glee (or maybe it’s just his
shirt) at the thought of it.
 |
| giggle giggle giggle |
They quickly find suitable
evening wear and a random gift, and they are off! The producers kept a
safe distance but used their super zoom lenses to watch the evening.
Chris is terrible at improv, while Whit seems to be a pro! They chatted
with the bride’s sister, her mom, and a bunch of other guests – enjoying the
DJ, free drinks, a decent dinner, and posing as an engaged couple that are
distant friends of the bride and groom. Kudos to them, that actually
looked like more fun than any date ABC would have arranged!
Time (already!) for the cocktail
party. Instead of the evening event Jimmy tells them to have a pool party
instead. I’ve never seen so many girls in false lashes, high heels, and
full make-up for swimming. Oh, and the headbands … count ‘em:
Those will be some funky tan
lines in the morning! And KardAshley: that is sooo Kim K
circa 2011.
Been there, done that. What else you got?
Full disclosure: I was super
irritated by Juelia Gulia this entire episode. First there was her
matchy-matchy lipstick/necklace/nails:
Then there was this eyesore of
an ensemble:
Two brights made a wrong.
Pick one or the other – do not do both, it hurts.
And then I was distracted by the
way she talks. I can’t figure out if she’s just too aware of her matte
lipstick and therefore over annunciates, or if she’s sporting some Invisalign
and it’s giving her a speech impediment. Either way, I fully acknowledge
that I am heartless B for cringing during her entire sob story – I just wanted
her to stop talking.
Anywho, we bid adieu to Tracy,
Trina, and Amber. Someone give this girl her teddy bear
already:
Oddly enough this chick is still
here:
 |
| HOW??? WHY??? |
My sentiments, exactly, Ashley
S. I’m confused too.
See you next week!!
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