We were left with a cliff-hanger
“To Be Continued…” last night which means no rose ceremony, no change in
scores. For those not interested in the episode you can stop reading
here; for everyone else, keep reading and I’ll recap what did happen.
We started our Bachelor World
Tour portion of the season by crossing the border to New Mexico. Megan
isn’t the brightest bulb on the Bachelor tree:
Geography took a big hit this
episode L Maybe the producers should hang a map up in the
house so the girls can get some learning in during their downtime between
dates. Just a suggestion.
The date cards started right
away, with the first 1:1 going to Carly our cruise ship singer.
I’m starting to like her, and her side commentary about the other ladies is a
much-needed dose of reality. Unfortunately, she was awarded with one of
the most awkward dates I’ve ever been on (I feel like I was there with how
close the camera was getting to them, and I was soooo uncomfortable).
They were sent to meet with a love guru!
That would have been an
improvement, actually. Instead, they found a woman meditating next to a
pool who proceeded to sage them and walk them through undressing each other,
blindfolded eating, and intimate breathing exercises. I didn’t know there
was such a thing, and what followed cannot be unseen. Chris was appropriately
skeptical:
 |
| Wise to keep one eye open for this. |
Especially considering that he
appeared to be taking a Lamaze class by the end of the date:
That’s their “guru” in the
background, and I’d like to see her credentials. If I didn’t know better
I would have thought she was hosting a hidden camera show. After leaving the guru, they
continued their date with dinner. They connected and talked about their
insecurities in a rarely seen moment of sincerity. Carly got her rose, so
it’s time for the group date.
We went white water rafting on
the Rio Grande for the group date. Jade fell in, but sadly no one
else did. The other women were jelly bellies when Chris paid extra
attention to Jade to make sure she survived – how dare he?! The cattiness
had started before last night, but is officially in full swing now. After
they dried off they went to the hotel lobby for cocktails. Chris was
derailed by an unexpected visitor:
 |
| JORDAN! |
Our drunk collegiate was back
for a second chance. She seems to have sobered up and realized she blew
her chance during the first go-round. Chris agreed to let her join their
post-date happy hour and the rest of the ladies were appalled. The
general reaction:
Does anyone else feel like we’re
watching part-Bachelor, part-My Super Sweet 16 anytime we see KardAshley?
She is always pouting about something not going her way, incensed that someone
crashed her birthday party time with Chris, and her dresses are very
SS16 (ie pink & sparkly). I swear I saw her on MTV crying on her
dress from Glitz! a few years back.
After the night was already
ruined but his decision, Chris came to the foregone conclusion that this wasn’t
a good idea and sent Jordan packing for the 2nd time in 2
weeks. Burn
Time for the last one-on-one
date, which went to Britt. We find out through the course of the
date card reading that Britt has some challenges with personal hygiene.
She’s been accused of the following:
-
Not shaving
-
Not washing her hair
-
Not showering since
she got to the mansion. 4 WEEKS AGO.
Pretty serious accusations, but
with how they make these girls bunk up in the hotel I gotta believe there is
some truth to it. One word: gross. A second word: pew.
Chris crashes the hostel
hotel they are all bunking at to kidnap Britt for their date. He’s amazed
that she looks just as beautiful at 4:30am as she is for the rose
ceremonies. Maybe that’s because she wears her make-up to bed:
Note the glitter eyeshadow,
mascara, and bright pink lipstick/lip stain. My pores are screaming just
looking at that.
They take a sunrise ride in a
hot air balloon over the nearby gorge. Chris thinks this is a
once-in-a-lifetime activity (over the gorge, maybe – but there are definitely
hot air balloons in Iowa. I mean, just get a Groupon)
They are having such a great
time ‘connecting’ that they completely forgot/ignored the fact that there is a
balloon pilot trapped in the basket with them while they make out. I do
not envy him, and I hope he got a nice gratuity from ABC.
You can see his arm here – poor
guy, it’s tough to be the 3rd wheel on a Bachelor tricycle.
Chris invited Britt back to his
room for coffee and donuts after, and they ended up behind closed doors.
Not before 15 different close-ups of their hands displaying Britt’s gumball
machine jewelry again.
Who remembers these?
Her ring totally came out of one
of those bubbles. Probably made of lead-laced metal too.
Anywho, she completes her walk
of shame back to the hotel room where the other women were going bat-S crazy
about their date and how jealous they are. Britt reveals they feel asleep
and took a nap together. Uh, huh.
 |
| Is that what you kids call it these days? |
Before we get to the cocktail
party Kelsey ambushed Chris in his room for a little tête-a-tête. She
decides this is the time to tell him her story of love lost. Kelsey
married a man who died: Sanderson Poe (fake name? Sadly, no. I
totally Googled that last night – really weird obituary too. Sorry, is
that mean? Eh.) She kept talking about how great her “story” was
and was, emphasizing that word too much for it to seem fully legit.
Coupled with the fact that he’s been dead for nary over a year as of taping and
she was making out with Chris 15 seconds after crying about Sanderson.
Strange behavior IMO, but we haven’t seen the best of it.
Time for the cocktail party that
wasn’t to be. Chris is emotional over Sanderson and cancels the cocktail
hour. Kelsey talks to the ladies about how little time they have, how sad
she is to have to say goodbye to one of them, and how great her shoes are (not
even kidding). All of a sudden the pressure is too much for her and she
walks off camera and starts crying. Pan over to her laying on the floor
so perfectly positioned, crying, and claiming to be having a panic
attack. Not entirely sure why she fell/laid down – but that’s where we
ended the episode.
 |
| Internal dialog: man, she’s got a lot of teeth |
Sorely disappointed we didn’t
get to the rose ceremony, and we’ve been instructed that part II isn’t until
next Monday. Why the long wait??? It better be worth it.
Stay tuned next week for the
ending to last night’s episode and what will hopefully be a fabulous rose ceremony.
Have a good week y'all J
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