Hello! We had our regularly-scheduled fix of The
Bachelor last night, and once again DVR was a lifesaver. The final 3 ep is never really one of the
highlights of the season, so the Fast Forward feature came in handy to get
through the snoozey conversations.
First lady
to get her full day of Chris is Kaitlyn:
They walked
around Bali at some of the markets (where Chris was buying kilos of “spices”)
and just happened to stumble into some monkeys. I’m pretty sure this was a forgotten prop from
“Planet of the Apes”:
(And I mean
the Planet with Charleton Heston, not
the weird relaunch from 2011 or 2013)
Chris was
wanting to eat a banana but instead got pooped on by a simian:
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| These outtakes would be good clips for “When Animals Attack” J |
Thankfully
he changed his shirt before dinner.
Farmer and Miley ate, talked about their feelings, and proceeded to the
Fantasy Suite. There were candles,
roses, and the bathtub from “American Beauty”:
There was
no shortage of alcohol in their shared room, either. I counted 3 champagne flutes (who’s the 3rd
for?? Mena Suvari maybe; it is her tub,
afterall) and no less than 4 drink options:
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| This is a fun game! It’s like “Where’s Waldo” for adults. |
Date #2 is
for Whitney:
Does anyone
else think it’s weird that these women hug him like that? First, he better have a strong core and good
footing – and second, why? I don’t hug
my husband like that, I keep my feet firmly planted on the ground and use my
arms to embrace him – no need to get the legs involved, that’s just odd.
Anywho,
they board the SS Minnow for a 3 hour
tour, *ahem* for a tour of
the island.
The captain
may or may not have his boating license considering he plowed into the dock
while trying to steer them to open water, and then just gave them the thumbs up
after. Thankfully there is champagne on
hand to ease the nerves and forget the fact that there might be a hole in the
boat and you might drown on this date. Chris appears to have a bottle of Dom:
Not too
shabby – though I’m totally fine with Cooks (or Martini & Rossi Asti if it’s a
special occasion)
They swim
for 2 seconds, embrace, and then go have dinner. Fantasy Suite follows and looks like a room
downgrade compared to Kaitlyn's room. Nothing too noteworthy here.
3rd
and final date is for Becca. Chris
manages to find a farming community in Bali and waxes poetic about the
irrigation system the residents created.
If we hadn’t been bombarded with farmer all season this would have been
interesting, but at this point it’s just one eye-roll after another. Could you find something less boring to talk
about?? He did, but it was a visit to
another love guru in the shape of the local medium. They asked him stupid questions and he
encouraged them to “make whoopy” (thanks, Newlywed Game!) on their overnight
date. Becca was ready to crawl into her
skin like a turtle shell at the thought of being affectionate with Chris, so
this should be an interesting evening!
They have
dinner, and Chris sweats profusely:
HD is not his friend in Bali – can production
get him a towel or something to dab off his face? They go to the Fantasy Suite and Becca finally tells him she’s a virgin. His reaction had me wondering if I
accidentally hit the “mute” button. He
didn’t say anything. For a good 30
seconds. He just stared at her, and then
said “I have a hard time knowing what to say when someone tells me that.” Um, maybe – “that’s great” or “good for you,
I really respect that”. Nothing but
crickets. She didn’t seem fazed, so they
had a great night chatting like gal pals at a sleepover.
Time for the rose ceremony.
Chris Harrison takes us to apparently one
of the most sacred temples in Bali and then asks Chris to honor the location by
abiding by certain etiquette rules. Um,
isn’t that like trying to catch the horse after you’ve opened the gate? Let’s try to honor a location we’re already
exploiting with our reality show about fake love. Ok, makes sense.
The ladies were organized in height order
for the Rejection Ceremony (I’ve decided to rename it, you like?)
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| My inner OCD appreciates this J |
After some hemming and hawing and a private
sesh with Becca to make sure he knows what he’s doing, Chris says goodbye to
Kaitlyn the Canadian. They hug, chat,
and the she gets in the van to go home. My
advice to her is to have her own Eat Pray Love adventure while she’s
there. She might even meet her own Javier
Bardem:
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| mwrow |
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