3/11/15: The Bachelor - Ep 11 FINALE!!!

Sorry for the delay, had some pretty big life changes this week that has delayed my recap from Monday's finale.  But, the world continues to turn and so here I am - back to finish the season :)

Let's get the party started!

We join Chris and the sister wives in Iowa for the final dates and rose ceremony.  Chris is wearing some really tight pants:

Too snug, he looks like he's prancing and holding his breath so he doesn't bust out of them Hulk style.

Whitney goes first to Meet the Fockers, and bowls them over with her saccharine sweet charm.  They all love her and are ready to propose for him.  I think he sees her more as his new farmhand, even going so far as to start her on-the-job training in the combine:

He then takes her back to his house, which isn't bad.  Unless you enjoy having the furniture from "Golden Girls" on your 4-season porch:

I expected Sophia to come shuffling out to tell us a story, "Picture it, Sicily, a young peasant girl..."  LOLz

She goes home and Becca arrives.  Her time didn't go as smoothly, as everyone on the farm is concerned she's not in love with Chris yet.  I think she's being realistic, but she also seems as cold as a fish so who knows.  Chris is conflicted, and his dad and brother in law basically laugh at him for being in such a pickle.  Family, your greatest supporters and greatest critics!

PS while Chris is giving one of his lack-luster interviews I can't help but notice the set decoration. Spot the globe:

Subtle reminder of all the places they didn't get to visit this season?  And it all looks like it came from World Market.  I expected a hay bale or two somewhere!

New day, and look who's knocking on the door:  Neil Lane!!!!

  

He looks less than thrilled to be in Iowa during the fall/winter - but he's a trooper (aka contractually obligated) and shows up with some baubles.

Mmm, so pretty....shine bright like a diamond!

Ok, time for the Final Rose Ceremony.  We join Chris in his childhood barn where he raised his first pig (fun tidbit to share, hope they scooped out the poop first) and we find ourselves walking into a Junk Gypsy hoarders paradise:

WTF??

Hay, chandeliers, real candles (fire hazard!), vases, mercury glass, stained glass windows ... I think the Soules family is currently using this particular barn as a storage shed and production had to find a way to make it work.  I can't explain it any other way - it's offensive to my good taste, though.

Who's the first victim to join us: Becca!  She chose a burgundy velvet dress (apparently that is coming back, folks - don't shoot the messenger, it's what I hear on the street)

He dumps her, or she kind of dumped him -- he got a case of the boo hoos saying goodbye but she just shrugged it off.  #byefelicia

Becca speeds away in her Tahoe just in time for Whitney to pull up.  She's wearing blue velvet, and talks incessantly.  I don't mind though, and I don't think Chris does either - he barely speaks English so it's probably a relief that she proposed to herself.

He drops to a knee, pulls out that pumpkin-sized diamond ring, and it's a YES!  It actually was sweet, she seemed so excited and nervous and shook the entire time.  That or she was on the brink of hypothermia and her body was shaking to try and generate some heat.  Either way, totes adorbs!

After the Final Rose time!

Chris faces Becca one more time, they basically sum up what we all heard during their first goodbye - nothing special. Whitney then comes out to join them and apparently is carrying the brunt of the enthusiasm for their engagement.  She has thus far refused to watch the show, so she's either the smartest or dumbest winner.  Coin toss on that one.  Surprise guest to say hi: Jimmy Kimmel!  Chris is so excited his dolphin laugh comes out again :)  Jimmy comes bearing a gift:

Yes, that was a very large, very real cow.  I'm now craving a steak - anyone else?

They exit, best wishes that they make it work, and now FINALLY time for the announcement that we've been waiting for:  The next bachelorette!!!

We're getting double the trouble with 2 BACHELORETTES next season!  Britt and Kaitlyn.  Britt is super excited (and thankfully seems to have lost her supply of glitter) but Kaitlyn seems beyond irritated.  The guys will get to choose which they'd rather turn into their wife on night one.  Let's see how this goes!

Join me on my blog May 18th for the next season!

3/2/15: The Bachelor - Ep 10

Women Tell All is usually my 3rd favorite episode of any Bachelor season -- but for this one, it was easily my top favorite episode so far this year!  It needed to be longer than 2 hours, too BTW.  There was enough to keep the ladies smack-talking right on through the evening news.  It would have been amazing!  Still was, but just imagine what that would have been like?!

Anyway, let's get to the high points:

1. Curses to whomever on production chose these lucite?/glass? saucer chairs in Season 1 because they are still around.  Imagine the butt sweat they get from sitting on these?  I feel for them #pressedham

2. Britt cried.

3.  Jillian was in rage mode and needs to lay off the 'roids.  Fighting for Britt's honor and talking about her hairy butt.  Chill, Norma Rae.

4. Kelsey powders her ears.  And the producers decided to include that in the show -- I love them for that (P.S. - is this a normal step that I should be including in my beauty routine???  Someone break this down for me.)

5.  Britt cried ... again.

6. Production tested some new camera angles while we listed to Kelsey be #blessedwitheloquence

7. Speaking of new angles, Megan seems to be practicing her contouring; did anyone else notice how each face zone color was a little different then the next?  Tutorial on contouring here.  It's very educational (and scary AF!)

8.  Britt was still crying.  Get a grip, woman!  Oh and she left her glittery, self-tanner grub on the back of Chris' suit when they hugged!  GROSS!

9.  Chris Harrison is an author!  This probably was not the tension-filled book launch party he was hoping for.  But, he certainly has a captive audience of faithfuls that will throw him on the NYT Best Seller list in no time.  Good for you!  #capitalizeonyourfame

Ok, that's about it - I highly recommend you watch this episode - worth the 90 mins on DVR :)

See you soon for the FINALE and After The Final Rose -- woo hoo!!!

2/24/15: The Bachelor - Ep 9

Hello!  We had our regularly-scheduled fix of The Bachelor last night, and once again DVR was a lifesaver.  The final 3 ep is never really one of the highlights of the season, so the Fast Forward feature came in handy to get through the snoozey conversations.

First lady to get her full day of Chris is Kaitlyn:

 They walked around Bali at some of the markets (where Chris was buying kilos of “spices”) and just happened to stumble into some monkeys.  I’m pretty sure this was a forgotten prop from “Planet of the Apes”:

(And I mean the Planet with Charleton Heston, not the weird relaunch from 2011 or 2013)

Chris was wanting to eat a banana but instead got pooped on by a simian:

These outtakes would be good clips for “When Animals Attack” J

Thankfully he changed his shirt before dinner.  Farmer and Miley ate, talked about their feelings, and proceeded to the Fantasy Suite.  There were candles, roses, and the bathtub from “American Beauty”:

There was no shortage of alcohol in their shared room, either.  I counted 3 champagne flutes (who’s the 3^rd for??  Mena Suvari maybe; it is her tub, afterall) and no less than 4 drink options:

  

This is a fun game!  It’s like “Where’s Waldo” for adults.

Date #2 is for Whitney:

Does anyone else think it’s weird that these women hug him like that?  First, he better have a strong core and good footing – and second, why?  I don’t hug my husband like that, I keep my feet firmly planted on the ground and use my arms to embrace him – no need to get the legs involved, that’s just odd.

Anywho, they board the SS Minnow for a 3 hour tour, *ahem* for a tour of the island. 

The captain may or may not have his boating license considering he plowed into the dock while trying to steer them to open water, and then just gave them the thumbs up after.  Thankfully there is champagne on hand to ease the nerves and forget the fact that there might be a hole in the boat and you might drown on this date.  Chris appears to have a bottle of Dom:

Not too shabby – though I’m totally fine with Cooks (or Martini & Rossi Asti if it’s a special occasion)

They swim for 2 seconds, embrace, and then go have dinner.  Fantasy Suite follows and looks like a room downgrade compared to Kaitlyn's room. Nothing too noteworthy here.

3^rd and final date is for Becca.  Chris manages to find a farming community in Bali and waxes poetic about the irrigation system the residents created.  If we hadn’t been bombarded with farmer all season this would have been interesting, but at this point it’s just one eye-roll after another.  Could you find something less boring to talk about??  He did, but it was a visit to another love guru in the shape of the local medium.  They asked him stupid questions and he encouraged them to “make whoopy” (thanks, Newlywed Game!) on their overnight date.  Becca was ready to crawl into her skin like a turtle shell at the thought of being affectionate with Chris, so this should be an interesting evening!

They have dinner, and Chris sweats profusely:

HD is not his friend in Bali – can production get him a towel or something to dab off his face?  They go to the Fantasy Suite and Becca finally tells him she’s a virgin.  His reaction had me wondering if I accidentally hit the “mute” button.  He didn’t say anything.  For a good 30 seconds.  He just stared at her, and then said “I have a hard time knowing what to say when someone tells me that.”  Um, maybe – “that’s great” or “good for you, I really respect that”.  Nothing but crickets.  She didn’t seem fazed, so they had a great night chatting like gal pals at a sleepover.

Time for the rose ceremony. 

Chris Harrison takes us to apparently one of the most sacred temples in Bali and then asks Chris to honor the location by abiding by certain etiquette rules.  Um, isn’t that like trying to catch the horse after you’ve opened the gate?  Let’s try to honor a location we’re already exploiting with our reality show about fake love.  Ok, makes sense.

The ladies were organized in height order for the Rejection Ceremony (I’ve decided to rename it, you like?)

My inner OCD appreciates this J

After some hemming and hawing and a private sesh with Becca to make sure he knows what he’s doing, Chris says goodbye to Kaitlyn the Canadian.  They hug, chat, and the she gets in the van to go home.  My advice to her is to have her own Eat Pray Love adventure while she’s there.  She might even meet her own Javier Bardem:

 mwrow

Well folks, that brings us to the last 2 weeks of hte season *tear*.  Next week is the Women Tell All (bring it!) and then we have the Finale.  Home stretch!!