2/16/16: The Bachelor - ep 7

Hello!  What a weekend high - Jade & Tanner's wedding in a special 2-hour event on Sunday.  As if you didn't have better things to do.  Pretty wedding, but a lot of random alums there -- and what's in the water?!  Everyone is pregnant!  I'll take a glass if you're offering ... just sayin'.  ;)


We regrouped with the final 6 ladies in Ben's hometown of Warsaw, IN.  A couple of dates to get through, so let's roll.




1:1 Date #1
The flight attendant with the insane cheekbones got the first one-on-one date.  They drove around town in a vintage pick up truck, and Lauren B. apparently wasn't worried about a seatbelt because she sat in his pocket the entire time.  Law breaker.  And annoying.


They drove past Ben's high school, and then went to a youth activity center that he volunteers at to play some hoops with the kids.  Throw in a few Pacers for date cred, and that about covers it. 


LB got this little Hitler's seal of approval:

Sorry, but either he got smacked it the face with a basketball / was sucking on a pen or marker / or ???  Either way it looks a little too much the Furher.  Don't pretend to be shocked - you were thinking it too.




1:1 Date #2
JoJo!  Ben meets up with Joelle in Chicago for a little Cubs action.  They got Wrigley Field all to themselves, including dinner after running the bases and screwing with the scoreboard.  Not like someone won't have to come behind them and fix it, right?  I will say it was a really cute touch to have "Mrs. Higgins" monogrammed on the back of her jersey -- I really like her -- hint at how this all ends, maybe??

Group Date
Caila, Becca, and Baby Voice Amanda go for a canoe ride and then wander around a random farm for some quality chat sessions.  This was the only date with a rose on the table (literally & figuratively!) and BVA clinched it.  As the rest of the gals went back to their lake house Ben and Amanda got to hit the town for some alone time!  Where did Ben take her?  The golden arches, of course.  *Probably not many other options to choose from in swinging Warsaw.

They worked the drive thru and noshed on some fries.  Good to know his wife has a job lined up for her when they move to his city, and if the minimum wage hikes go through I just might join her!

1:1 Date #3

This goes to Twin Emily.  Ben's so unsure of her that he drags his mom and dad into the mix to vet her out and give the thumbs up/thumbs down.  Her naivety and youth do not impress, and she ends her date getting dumped on the dock of the bay.  Not as big a hit as "Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay" ... but it plays well in this situation.

Rose Ceremony
No cocktail party, since he's seen each of these gals enough this week.  We have 3 roses to hand out and unfortunately Becca comes up short.  Not sure what she was expecting, she's as cold as a fish and doesn't seem to have any range of emotions.  She did cry in her ride of shame away, but TBH she seems like she'll bounce right back (again).




Next week we head to hometowns!  See you then :)

The Bachelor - ep 5 & 6

Happy Tuesday!  You’re in for a treat: a Bachelor double header!  I neglected you last week, so today it’s 2 for 1 Happy Hour J

Last Week

The crew went to Mexico to look for El Chapo.  J/K – he was still busy hiding in the jungle with Sean Penn when this was filmed.  They did go to Mexico, however, and learned to butcher some Spanish language and some Spanish cuisine.  Ole!  The first one-on-one date had Ben knocking on the hotel room doors at some ungodly hour like 4am to drag Baby Voice Amanda out on the town for nothing other than a hot air balloon ride !!!  The first of the season!  Of course she looked like she had been awake for hours with makeup and hair did, whereas the rest of the ladies looked more realistic:

Just kidding - here's what they really looked like:

The group date involved pairing off to cook a dish at a popular Mexican restaurant, and Jubilee slayed!  Figuratively, of course – unlike Twin 2 Emily who had murder on her mind.  Watch your back ladies.

 

After, there was a group cocktail party where Jubilee had an epic tailspin – she refused to hold Ben’s hand, cried about the connection she felt to him, and it all culminated in her getting dumped.  Just as well, she had some attitude problems and lipstick issues.  Girl needs to learn how to apply it; it always seemed to cluster in the corners of her mouth.  Eww.

 

The second 1:1 date included Mexico City Fashion Week!  This would have been a fun date to be on, no lie.  At first Ben and Amanda H. thought they just got be backstage watching the prep, but then got thrown in feet first to actually be in the show!  Jealous, I admit.  Amanda did a decent job for being an awkward human, and Ben channeled his inner Zoolander to unleash Steel Blue on the catwalk. 

 

The Goblin King would have been proud (RIP). 

Surprisingly, there was no commercial tie-in for Zoolander 2 with this date – missed opportunity.

 

Rose ceremony where everyone threw Olivia under the bus.  She’s not that terrible of a person, right?  I mean, she’s only a little crazy thinking her and Ben have some secret love language; she was only J/K’ing when she said Baby Voice Amanda reminded her of a “Teen Mom” episode (hilarious!); and then there's her all-around confidence arrogance.  Ok, maybe she’s the worst.  She had a rose going in but during some DT with Benji her name came up in a not-so-flattering light, so he pulled her aside before doling out the roses.  We were left on a To Be Continued cliff hanger until this week …

 

This Week!

Let’s finish up the Rose Ceremony.  Olivia charmed her way back into good graces, so we were able to proceed.  The unlucky one to get sent home (remember we already said goodbye to Jubilee): Jennifer.  Non-descript brunette.  Not much air time.  Also hated Olivia.

 

Ben toasted his “unique” group of women (he can say that now that there is only 1 Twin left) and got the pleasure of telling them they are on their way to the Bahamas next.

 

1:1 Date

The first one went to Caila, the smiling Polynesian Princess.  (TBH: I don’t remember her ethnic heritage, but with her tan on she looks like she could be Polynesian – maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong.  Details.)  Leah (non-descript blonde with strong eyebrow game – also hasn’t gotten much air time) was royally pissed because she hasn’t even gotten one 1:1 date with him and yet this is Caila’s second.  Sucks to be her. 

Ben took Caila deep sea fishing and then to dinner.  It seemed like all signs were pointing to a break up at dinner, but then somehow Caila’s gentle dumping turned a 180 and she got a rose.  Confused?  Yes, so am I.  And so is Ben.

 

Group Date

All aboard to pig island!  Not kidding.  There is an island where wild pigs swim in the ocean and get fed hot dogs by tourists.  Interesting.  The women all screamed like sharks and stingrays were lunging for them, which got a little old.  Ben played favorites with Lauren B. and through the magic of sight all the other girls saw it.  He got the feels for making the date uncomfortable, and it only got worse during their happy hour.  Leah decided her best strategy was to take LB down a peg or two and say she’s two faced; no one else seemed to know what she was talking about as Lauren sobbed on their shoulders and even Ben was left scratching his head.  He took the path of least resistance and gave the rose to Baby Voice Amanda. 

 

Leah wasn’t done yet.  She got all gussied up and marched to Ben’s room for some alone time.  You’d think someone who was just bitching about never getting him to herself would use this opportunity to the fullest and make it amazing.  That light bulb was burnt out, I think, because she did the opposite and used that time to further trash talk Lauren B.  Ben was having enough of that, and not enough of a spark with Leah, so sent her home.  No one was surprised but her.  Sad face.

 

2-on-1 Date

The most loathed night for the contestants, but the most anticipated night for the viewers!  This date had Olivia pitted against Twin 2 Emily.  They braved what appeared to be a mild tropical storm to sit on a beach and have wine.  Ben spent time alone with each, kissed Olivia, played with Emily’s hair – and then it was time to hand out the rose.  Twist: Olivia got sent home.  I was surprised; I thought she had at least another 2 weeks left, but Ben’s cray-dar went off and he left her up to her kankles in sand while Emily got the rose!

 

Rose Ceremony

A super tan OG announced that the bachelor was exhausted and decided to cancel the cocktail party.  We head straight to the rose ceremony.  To keep track, Caila Amanda, and Emily all have roses.  There are 3 to hand out tonight, but 4 girls to choose from.  The non-chosen one: Lauren H.  She’s very sad, but I like to look at the glass half full and say at least she got a few days in the Bahamas before going home!  Seems like a win to me!

 

No word on where we’re headed next, but we got some teasers for the rest of the season.  Drama, drama, and more drama.  We’re given hints that Ben pulls a Mesnick in the 4^th quarter and changes his mind on who he proposes to.  At least it looks like he did it before the “After” special – we’ll see what happens.

 

And Sunday, in honor of St. Valentine’s Day, ABC is airing a special on Jade and Tanner’s wedding to celebrate their 20^th season on air!  They say it’s a surprise wedding, but I read about it in People or TMZ last week – the cats out of the bag.  Still looks fun, so I’ll be tuning in! 

 

Catch you next week!

1/26/16: The Bachelor - ep 4

Happy Tuesday!  Dear friends I apologize for the lack of update last week, I was dealing with some health crap that had me out of comish for the early part of the week.  However, while laid up I OF COURSE watched last week’s episode – it’s nice to see that Lace had a brief moment of self-awareness and left with a little bit of dignity.  I don’t remember who else departed, but I think it was Russian Roulette Shushanna and Canadian Jami.  Doesn’t matter, really.  Let’s get to this week.

 

We are greeted with OG bright and early to tell us the Bachelor has defected and made a run for it while he can.  Half kidding, he’s still on the show but he did head out to Sin City; the bevy of beauties join him via PJ.  So posh!

 

1:1 Date numero uno

Ben takes JoJo out on the rooftop of their hotel to have her practically get blown away by the incoming helicopter.  Not sure how the producers didn’t know to anchor the table and breakables – this isn’t their first heli rodeo.  Bygones, they make out a little while the rest of the gals watch from the hotel room and then climb aboard.  I don’t really know what they did on their ride as we cut away to the next date card.  We then rejoined B & J as they sit down to a relaxing convo via candlelight.  Word of the day: moments.  They had lots of them, talked about lots of them.  It should have been a drinking game.  Maybe their lackluster dialog was due to the fact that Ben was more interested in trying to free JoJo’s left wrist from shackles (thanks Kylie) of the infamous Cartier “Love” bracelet.  She threw some major side-eye at him while he fiddled with it – hilarious!  Get your own accessories, Benji.  Firework show above the skyline, rose delivered.

 

Group Date

Ben drags the rest of them (minus Becca) to some muppet ventriloquist show on the Strip.  Here they are told they are going to be the opening act that evening, so pick the worst costume you can off the rack and try to find some talent in the next 2 hours!  Olivia was unsuccessful and did the worst cake surprise/showgirl dance anyone has ever seen.  Train wreck – and cue the meltdown.  She basically had turets the rest of the date while in full on panic mode that this would send her home.  Ben seemed to be losing patience with her newfound insecurity – but maybe he was just afraid of drowning in massive tears from her giant eyeballs.  Some brown haired girl got the rose (I think).

 

1:1 Date #2

Becca gets a special delivery of a wedding dress, gets picked up by Elvis in a pink Cadillac, and joins Ben at the Little White Chapel.  He proposes they unite to join others in holy matrimony – surprise!  He got ordained!  I’d rather have Joey be my ministainer then be married by these giggling goons, but that’s personal taste I guess.  They squee and have a great time.  Rose delivered.

 

Just as we think we’re going to head to the cocktail party we get a curve ball when Harrison comes in and says Ben has requested a special Two-on-One date with the twins!  Emily/Haley looked like she shit her pants, but they quickly pull themselves together and head out.  Lest we forget, the Twins are from Las Vegas so it didn’t come as any surprise that Ben brought them back home to mom’s house so he could meet her and try to decide between the two.  We were greeted with about 10 dacshunds, PUPPIES!!!  Sorry, but my allegiance is almost always with the animals who make rare appearances on the franchise than with any human involved (OG excluded – mrowr!)  Ben tours each sister’s room, and visits with mom.  Emily threw Haley under the bus regarding how many feels they each have for Ben, and that power move paid off.  We bid adieu to Haley and rejoin the rest of the cast for the cocktail party.

 

Twinning!

Rose Ceremony

Olivia is persona non grata with the remaining ladies due to her incessant need for Ben’s attention and affirmation, and how pushy she is every time to get it, but the girls Teflon.  I had to FF through most of the chattering because I hate the sound of all the kissing and the fact that it slowly kills my brain cells.  The gist: Jubilee is still alienating herself from the group (bipolar maybe?), Caila never stops smiling (even when frowning or throwing shade), and Amanda is still talking in a baby voice.  In the end we said goodbye to Rachel and her over groomed eyebrows (but that dress was fierce!) and Amber.  Thank goodness – if I had to listen to Amber and her insecurities one more time I was going to barf. 

 

Next week we’re going to Mexico!  Jubilee gets into a heated moment with Ben that I’m very much looking forward to, and I can’t wait to see how long Emily (the last standing Twin) lasts. 

See you then!