2/13/17: The Bachelor - ep 7

Happy Monday!  Well, it is as long you're an Adele fan like me :)  I didn't watch the Grammy's because I don't care enough, but am pleased as punch that she beat out Beyonce.  I don't like "Queen Bey" unless she's making faces like this oldie-but-goodie:

Perfection!!!

So, I'm just riding a high today that carried me straight to Bachelor Monday.  Let's get to it!

Turn that frown upside down
We pick up where we left off last week with Nick's "will he or won't he" cliffhanger.  After having a 5 minute therapy session with OG Harrison he trots to the women's room again to give them his answer.  No surprise, he's continuing with his journey to find love (or his next great lei -- hey oh!!  See what I did there?  They keep bouncing from one tropical destination to the next - I saw a shot and took it lol)

The shift in emotions from tears to smiles on the women was faster than Usain Bolt.

We go from here:

"I don't know if Nick wants to stay ... boo hoo!!"

To here, in 0.5 seconds flat:

"Yay!!!  I'm happy!"

All it took was Nick saying he'll stick around for the next leg of the trip, and by cancelling the cocktail party and rose ceremony.  I guess 6 cuts in one day is enough to give these gals a pass on that formality.

The Magnificent 7 head to Bimini where That's So Raven says she's never been somewhere so beautiful so "what could go wrong?"  Oh hunny, you have so much to learn.

1:1 Date Numero Uno
Vanessa gets some more alone time to be reassured that Nick is in it to win it, and she reminds him that she's here for him.  Kisses, swimming, yay.  Whatever.  They go to dinner and Vanessa tells Nick she's falling in love with him.  Three observations: 1) careful, the last girl who did that got sent home in the next breath; 2) she expected him to say it back - HA!  Damn girl, don't be so naive; 3) he didn't say it back and she was pissed.  #honestyhurts but kudos to Nick for holding back better than Ben Brady did in his season.

3:1 Date
That's So Raven, Corrine, and Russian Nesting Doll Kristina ride around on a yacht and swim with sharks -- no, not Alexis in her "dolphin" costume.  That would have been amazing, though!  Real sharks, so Kristina got scared and Corrine got jealous.  Kristina sounded a little like Brick Tamland when she was talking about how sharks can smell blood ....

Keen observation, Brick.  Thx

There's a rose on the table that will lock in one lady for Hometown Dates next week (what?!  where did that come from?!?  dammit Nick!  this is somehow all your fault that we're this far along in the season and didn't see it coming!)  Anywho, That's So Raven got the rose and locked in her spot in the Fab Four.

1:1 Date Take 2
Danielle and her bland personality wander around Bimini with Nick to explore.  They ate some chocolate cake, played some b-ball, and rode bikes.  Their dance moves were sadder than their stunted conversation.  I don't feel confident in the future of this relationship.  Summary:

Riveting, indeed.  zzzzzzz

And this:

YES!  Finally - I've been struggling to put my finger on this all damn season!!

Nick puts us all out of our misery and sends Danielle home.  Not before we watched her snot into her own mouth, though.  Gross.  #andthentherewere5

Goldmember
FINALLY.  The quote that I've been living for ALL SEASON is upon us!  Corrine takes matters into her own hands by knock knock knocking on Nick's door for some late night lovin'.  We get some off camera moans, long distance images of the outside of his room, and some really swanky 70s porn music.  For all her boasting and how much build up ABC put on this moment, I am really disappointed with Nick's self control.  He denied her advances.  What a tease - literally, figuratively. all the "ivly".  The only thing distracting me from this trainwreck is watching Corrine try to walk in her high heels.  I'm with this Tweeter:

*claps* amen, sister

1:1 - En Fin
Rachel and Nick get some brewskies and try to figure out if they want to pursue this connection.  I'm going no further in recapping this particular date b/c I know she gets sent home after hometowns, as it's already been announced that she's the next Bachelorette.  You read that right - ABC has finally cast a non-Caucasian as the lead!  It only took 33 combined seasons to get here.  Welcome to the 90s, Mr. Baanks.

Rose Ceremony That Never Happened
Corrine sends herself to a padded room by stressing and being anxious after hearing how great Rachel's date was with Nick.  Curveball: Nick dumps Kristina before any rose ceremony happens, poetically as a storm is rolling in to the island.  Bye, Xtina.

Next week may or may not be interesting - hard to tell with ABC.  We might have a rose ceremony, Nick might do something surprising, someone from the past might show up ... pretty much the same as ususual, then.  See you next Monday, betches!