Project Baby: Backstory

Let's dig in to some of the details - it's clinical, it's personal, but it's real.

It took time and research to find the clinic that felt right for us.  There are several options in the Twin Cities, and tons of information to sort through. I'm not at an ideal body weight, I'll be the first to admit and acknowledge it.  There are some clinics that won't even have a consultation with you unless you meet a certain BMI - which I can understand, but it's still discouraging.  I found our clinic after reading online reviews and their posted statistics.  They have a BMI requirement only when it comes to IVF, due to the sedation required.  I can work with that (actually, I can work around that LOL).

When we first met with our doctor (a reproductive endocrinologist) he started with a litany of blood work on me, and a semen analysis for hubs.  This gave him insight to understand what we're working with.  The great news is that Dave passed his tests with flying colors -- count, motility and morphology were right where it needs to be.  Motility: do his swimmers know how and where to go?  Can they navigate the female reproductive system and make it to the end zone?  Morphology: are they the right shape and size?  There are treatments to correct both, but thankfully and miraculously he was top of the class.  Learning curve level HIGH: sperm are complicated.

Motility explained (credit: https://blog.episona.com/what-is-sperm-motility/)

Morphology explained (credit: http://fertilitysolutions.com.au/so-your-sperm-morphology-is-low-should-you-be-worried/)

My initial tests were normal, I just don't ovulate on my own and therefore have very irregular periods.  It's a hormone imbalance that can be fixed with medication to start my cycle and get us rolling.  This is why we're part of the "unexplained infertility" category -- there is no one thing to blame or fix.  So we just have to pick a course and try it out.

Our RE also conducted other diagnostic tests, including an HSG (Hysterosalpingography).  It's a procedure that injects dye into your uterus to see if it flushes out the fallopian tubes.  This ensures there aren't any blockages that would prevent an egg from passing through to implant in the uterus.  Here's a diagram from http://www.fertilityanswers.com/what-can-an-hsg-say-about-your-fertility/

And here's an example x-ray from http://www.dallasivf.com/fertility-testing/hysterosalpingogram-hsg/

It wasn't painful for me, but they do recommend you take ibuprofen ahead of time in case of cramping.  It was fast, and mine was clear - my remaining tube was wide open and ready to perform!  Success!

As you can read in this post, we did 4 rounds of IUI before taking a break.  I was emotionally and physically drained - and just needed to step away and regroup.  Since then we've moved twice and I've changed jobs - which also changed my health insurance.  

When we first started I worked for a company that offered a lifetime maximum of $10,000 for infertility coverage -- my new job offered $0.  Boop.  Understanding your insurance is a huge part of this process, because it is a financial investment.  Take the time to read your SBC (summary of benefits and coverage) and call your insurance provider to discuss if you have questions.  The clinic we chose does a great job of pulling all the details together as well and providing a printout of exactly what is and isn't covered.  

Ok, those are the historical high points.  Now that you know where we came from, we an get into where we're going.  And here's where we'll start up again.

xoxo

You're invited

This is my personal invitation to you.  To be a part of a very personal adventure.

Pack your bags.  Buckle in.  It's time to go.

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If you're not familiar with the beginning, start here.  If you remember that from 18 months ago, then welcome back.  I'm opening the door to the most vulnerable parts of our lives right now once again.  I'm scared, I'm nervous, but I'm also tired of carrying this burden alone.  I need support, I need love, I need prayers.

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Infertility is a big word.  It can mean many things.  He might have a problem.  She might have a problem.  They both might have a problem.  The problem could be treatable.  The problem could be unknown.  There are tests, scans, drugs.  And there's waiting.  So much waiting.

We are personally working with the ever-so-vague "unexplained infertility".  Meaning: everything looks relatively fine on paper, but there's an X Factor playing a role in prohibiting our ability to get pregnant.  No quick fix, no "easy" button - just a lot of trial and error.

We want children more than anything we've ever wanted - and it's frustrating that it takes so much work to try to make it happen.  There is so much to learn, and the more I know the more I envy the couples that just get lucky.  They don't know how hard this process really is - and I wish I had the luxury to be so oblivious.

I'm on a crusade to pull back the veil that shrouds this process in mystery, and in shame.  I refuse to continue to believe that there is something wrong with us because we need assistance - and I want other people on this journey to know they aren't alone.  This can feel so isolating, and I want to change that.

So, if you care to you are welcome to join me on this path.  Maybe you'll learn something new, maybe you already know these details.  But I'm guessing that more folks than not have no idea - and I'm willing to try to change that with my story.  I'll be chronicling the coming days, weeks, months right here.  Welcome to our life - it's going to be interesting ...

xoxo

In a state with no required fertility coverage it takes a village to get it done - if you'd like to donate here's the link:
https://www.gofundme.com/projectbabyc

WTF is emotional labor?!

I just read a really great article from Harper's Bazaar about relationship dynamics. It has put into words something I live and breathe, and struggle with on a daily basis in my marriage. First: Don't misunderstand me. I am a lucky woman to be married to a man who loves me so much. I wouldn't want to have anyone else in that seat next to me. I just need him to share the emotional, and sometimes physical, labor with me.

Yes. This. I can't explain how many arguments this has led to, and how guilty I feel after them. Believe me, I appreciate you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about how much I do etc - I just ran out of patience hoping you would see the pile of socks on the floor that have accumulated through the week and this is the only way I have learned so far to communicate that to you.
I hate feeling like a nag. I hate feeling like I have to yell at someone to make them understand my point of view. I don't know where I learned this from - probably TV. The Lazy but Loveable Husband, and the Patient Gentle Wife. Gender stereotypes we all hope to shake - but unconsciously creep into our minds and actions when we aren't watching. I hear this time and again with my friends who are married too, and while there's comfort in the 'solidarity' of a shared experience, it's also quite sad. How do I help to break this cycle so my future children don't repeat the pattern (and frustration)? How do I explain that it's not that I'm not grateful when you help, it's just that I feel I shouldn't have to ask for it? No one gives me a standing ovation when I cook dinner, feed the dogs, do the dishes, and pick up your clothes after being at work all day - and I don't need one. What I need is someone who is there to then take out the garbage, put the clean dishes away, and take the dogs outside. Without me having to ask. Balance. Partnership. At any rate, this was well worth the read - man, woman, married, single. It didn't give me a "How To" on the best way to open this conversation with my own hubby - but brings me closer to finding the way to do it without anyone winding up hurt.