1/13/16: The Bachelor - ep 2

Hi friends!  Sorry for the delay; watched the episode late Monday and wasn't ready to post yesterday.  However, you've waited long enough.  Let's dig in :)




Group Date #1
Ben took the ladies back to high school for some learnin'.  Some of these chicks need refresher courses on basic skills (reading, geography, etc) so maybe this inspired them to pursue higher basic education.  They started with a science experiment playing with volcanoes, moved on to bobbing for apples (a stretch tying this in to the episode - it was set in the cafeteria), then went to geography.  Oh dear lord, this is what happens when you don't have to look at a paper map anymore to get places.  The girls had to identify Ben's hometown state, Indiana, from a pile of shapes and then successfully place it on a blank map of the USA.  Not hard IMO, but you be the judge:


Find the state ... that's Idaho you're holding ... sideways ... like a gun



The red outline is where Indiana actually is ... Indiana is making a run for the coast!

The blue shape, also sideways, is where Becca and JoJo thought IN is.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Silver lining: as Ben said "if we were trying to find Pennsylvania you'd be pretty close!"  HAHAHA

After Geography for the Insane (or Inane) the final 2 ladies standing had to compete in track hurdles.  The winner: Mandi with an I.  Her prize: a letter jacket, a crown from Claire's, and a victory lap around the track field.

I'm over it.  Moving on.

We pan back to the house to find the rest of the girls sitting around waiting for a date card.  Olivia (1st Impression Rose winner) cannot contain her glee at anticipating her name on said card. 

Whoa! 

Just slightly reminiscent of this little guy:

The eyes ... *shudder*

A little too enthusiastic, but this is the first 1:1 date card - so I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.  Well, I did until it morphed into this face:

Not unlike some of my favorite "celebrities without teeth" pics.  If you aren't familiar I highly recommend you shuffle over to Google (after finishing this, of course) and spend a good 30 mins laughing at those photos.  Priceless!!  Here's a taste:

HAHAHAHA!!!

Shake it off, we've got a date to go on.  Much to Olivia's surprise she didn't get it; Caila (the boyfriend dumper) did!  Along for the ride (and a not so coincidental movie plug) Ice Cube and Kevin Smith:

They crashed the date and actually made it pretty darn hilarious -- bargained a street vendor for some flowers, went to a liquor store for Hennessey and condoms, and then got cozy on the hot tub showroom floor to give some bubbles a test drive!  Not the worst date, and actually seemed like a lot of fun with those guys around!  Caila got the rose, and we go back to the house.

Group Date #2

Olivia's face scared me again:

AHHHH!

Chillax. You're one of the like 50 ladies on this group date.  Good for you.  They find themselves in the offices of Dr. Love, ready to sweat it out (while Ben did a blind smell test) and get judged by a professional.  To make everyone uncomfortable, the girls had to watch each other's thermal chemistry with Ben one by one.

I can't really tell what's going on here, but Olivia got a score of 74/100 regarding compatibility with Ben.  Her head is about to turn into a Macy's Thanksgiving balloon, and the rest of the girls are queuing up for the padded room (already!)  Because of her score she secured the rose.  Lace continued to make a fool of herself, interrupting others and trying to convince Ben she's not always drunk.  I'll believe it when I see it.  Side bar: Sammie was told she smells "sour".  Duly noted.

Cocktail Party

Olivia pissed people off, spending time with Ben despite the fact she's already safe; Lauren H. made a good impression and got a blue ribbon; and Lace got drunk.  Again.  And she cried, again.

Pull yourself together, woman!

While Ben was making the rounds I spotted a hot glue gun on the table - I got excited thinking that the producers or set folks forgot to move it after some last minute repairs -- but alas it was so Benji could make some hair clips for baby-voice Amanda's daughters.  Thoroughly disappointed.

They each made one, but not using the same plastic roses.  One is bigger than the other, and if her kids are anything like my sister and I were she's in a world of pain when they realize one got a bigger flower than the other.  Consider yourself warned.

Rose Ceremony

Lauren "LB" sent herself home after not feeling the cray in the house; stinky Sammie, Mandi with an I, and Jackie all got the stanky boot.  Somehow Lace survived another week being a hot mess, slurring her way through dates and interviews alike.  Not sure how that happened, but maybe she's only there because Ben knows he can easily cut her later on.  We shall see.

Tune in next week for DRAMA -- it's been promised, I'm cautiously optimistic OG will come through.

1/5/16 - The Bachelor ... Roster & Brackets

Reviving a tradition --


For those of you following along at home here is the roster of suitorettes as of closing credits to last night's episode:

And here is the official ChannelingTrudy bracket:

Play along at home, add your weekly score to the comments, and let's see who comes out on top!Good luck!

1/4/16: The Bachelor - ep 1

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!

A hearty WELCOME BACK #BachelorNation  - it's good to see you :)  Just a reminder, here is our Bachelor this season:

Ben Higgins - reject from the last Bachelorette

We start with the typical Bachelor background story:
- Small town boy
- Feels unloveable
- Shots of him playing solo basketball
- Shots of him standing against a rando tree
- Him leading the townie parade (which brought back painful memories of the half-assed one Mr. Becky and I got stuck behind in the middle of South Dakota on the 4th of July last year ... it was awful)
- Ben's Mom crying
- Ben crying

You know, the usual.  It's like production has a checklist of every cliche they need to capture lest we might forget what show we're watching.

The Bachelor has joined forces with McD's to cross promote - ironic considering most of these participants look like they haven't set foot in a McDonald's in about 20 years.  You don't get those abs eating Big Macs or Hot Cakes.  But I digress.

We start the journey1 with Ben talking to 3 alum:

1. Chris Soules -- who FAILED to find lifetime love on the show
2. Sean Lowe -- Succeeded, oddly enough, to secure a wife (and they are still together)
3. Jason Mesnick -- FAILED, epically, trading his Chosen One in for the runner up girl.  WORST BREAK UP EVER...but soooo amazing to watch!

To get things moving along toward the intros we're teased with Becca (Chris' reject), Amber (Chris' reject), twin sisters (um, that's weird ... and gross if you think about it), and a girl toting a mini horse.  Everything is promised to be magical2, and dramtical3.

Highlights/Lowlights (it's a toss up really):
~ Caila - dumped her boyfriend when she saw Ben on TV (seriously)
~ Jubilee - Army vet with quote gems like "I'm on a mission to win Ben's heart", "There will probably be some casualties" and "All's fair in love and war."  Did you catch that?  She's a military girl.  Just had to make sure.  PS - I am super distracted by the faint tattoo on her thigh.  Is it words?  A picture?  What is it???
~ Mandi - who had to be the inspiration for Jennifer Aniston's crazy-ass dentist character in Horrible Bosses
~ Amanda - the token single mom, with a baby voice that is BEYOND annoying
~ Tiara - a "chicken enthusiast" (her words, not mine)
~ Samantha - daddy issues (not minimizing his illness or her loss, but it's a given there is at least one sob story in the bunch)

There's a girl who didn't tell Ben her name (he asked 3 times ... nothing), Shoshana that didn't speak a word of English, Breanne threw breadsticks around ("gluten is Satan"), and Izzy came in her footy pajamas.  Not a bad idea considering how long they are there that first night.  I'd rather be comfy too!

Tears, drunks, jealousy - just your typical cocktail party.  Time for the rose ceremony!  We bid adieu to the following: Red Velvet, Gluten Ninja, No Name Steaks, a girl in a sparkly top (seriously can't remember who she is), Chicken Lady, Lil Sebastian, and Jammy Time.

Surprising choices to make it to next week: Lace (drunk as a skunk), Twins Basil, Mandi with an I.  Really??!!

I leave you with the following image, which will haunt my nightmares until next week:

I promise, that's not even Photoshopped!

*shudder*  See you next week!


Shot Count: 
1 The franchise's most favorite word
2 The contestant's most favoritest word
3 The franchise's second most favorite word