How long has it been since we last talked???
Oh, don't be so dramatic. But yes, it’s been awhile since we last met. A lot is the same, a lot has changed. For those who follow me on The Facebook or The Instagram you probably saw the post that we’ve been praying for since this journey began over 6 years ago:
We’re having a baby. We’re having a baby! WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!
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| Our announcement! |
There are days I still can’t believe it, there are days where I forget and catch myself remembering all over again. I am excited, nervous, amazed … how did we get so lucky???
That may seem like a weird question considering the path we’ve been on – but dammit, we are so lucky. We are so blessed.
This journey has been just that – a winding road filled with physical obstacles and emotional landmines (as most of you are aware of at least up through March 2018 when I last checked in here). But you have no idea. I had no idea. Our story had barely begun.
A quick recap in case you’re new here or have forgotten where we’ve come from: TTC (trying to conceive) for 6+ years involved the following:
- Surgical removal of an ovarian cyst that was so large I lost that ovary & tube leaving me with only one of each
- Polyps
- Shots
- Pills
- Exams
- Needles
- Inseminations
- More pills
- More needles
- ….negative after negative pregnancy test
Our family and friends have been incredibly supportive and loving, and we mean every word of our gratitude for everything our network has provided us. We wouldn’t be where we are, or who we are, today without every single of them. I am particularly close with my mom and sister and have shared every tear with them along the way. They are my best friends (outside of hubby) and the close bond we share is magical in the truest sense of that word. They hold me up when I can’t stand alone, they celebrate with me in all my triumphs and victories, and we love each other like crazy. But my sister’s love for me knows no boundaries.
My sister and I are 2 years apart in age and have been each other’s best friend since I came along in 1984. We went to the same schools, had the same teachers, played Barbies and babies together…thick as thieves, truly friends and soul mates. I’m the Ethel to her Lucy – she dreams up the ideas and I wholeheartedly jump in as her faithful sidekick! Our relationship has grown stronger the older we get and some of my favorite wedding photos are the ones of just her and I as they captured our friendship and bond so beautifully. She’s always been my protector, just as a big sister should be.
The struggle we’ve had with fertility has been difficult for our loved ones to watch us endure – as it is for anyone I know going through the same thing. There is so much you wish you could do for them to make it better, to fix the problem, and to give them the success they so wish for. My sister is no exception and would always share those supportive messages in person or even via text. The “I’m so sorry, I wish there was something I could do. I love you.” And she got almost as frustrated as we did when things kept not working out.
When we were younger, before either of were really dating anyone and way before I got married we always said that if one of us, for whatever reason, couldn’t have children the other would be more than happy to step in and carry for the other. When you’re young and making those agreements they seem like the smart thing to do – have a backup plan, though you’re sure you’ll never have to use it and the thought rarely passes through your mind after. That was the case with us; I was probably 16 or 17, dreaming of Prince Charming and planning my future in my mind – never thinking that I would have any trouble with that because why would I? I was young, I was healthy, and life would just turn out how I planned.
Fast forward to adulthood and the all too real issues at hand. Our efforts weren’t paying off and the costs were becoming prohibitive to keep trying. Adopting is even more expensive and is a very arduous process with zero guarantees either. And while it’s a lovely option for those that choose it we just weren’t ready to go down that road – a personal choice for us at this point in our lives. The path to parenthood is different for everyone and no single option is a “one size fits all”. So, what options do we have?
We tried Door #1: natural conception of our own child. That door wasn’t opening for us. Try again.
We tried Door #2: assisted conception of our own child. This door was more like a hallway of many doors, and while some opened and allowed us passage to the next we haven’t yet found the key to open the final one. Try again.
Then there’s Door #3: Our village came to the rescue
During this science experiment we call Trying To Conceive (TTC) my sister watched me struggle. And she offered: “I’ll be your carrier. Let me help.” I rebuffed more times than I can count because it felt like giving up. It felt like I was losing, and that I was resigning to the fact that I would never get pregnant myself. “No, no. Thank you, but I’m not ready for that. We still have options.” That was my mantra for about 2 years and was as true in June of this year as it had ever been. But then my heart changed.
I thought about how badly we wanted to have a child. How badly I wanted to be a mother. And I thought about all the hoops we’ve jumped through trying to make that dream a reality, and all the times it didn’t work. And where are we after all that? Still parents without a child. Dave and I talked so many times about what was next, when we’d start the next cycle. He was on board for whatever I wanted to do – but just like me he was frustrated and tired. Then we talked about what my sister had offered. It was during those conversations that it dawned on me that I was turning down the greatest gift someone could possibly offer just because it wasn’t how I imagined it would be. That wasn’t how I painted my future in my mind so I kept saying no. But when I stepped back and looked at the future I dreamed of all it showed was us with our little family – it didn’t matter how it happened. My heart wants a baby and I’ll do anything to make that happen.
So, no more than a week after we last talked about it I went to my sister and said “OK. I’m in. We’re in. Let’s do this.” Surprise! I changed my mind! She was so excited, and we had another conversation about what this meant and that I was sure this is what we wanted. Yes, yes, and yes – Dave and I are so sure about trying this we’re ready whenever she is. She can change her mind at any time, as can we. She was donating her egg and her body to us. We were of one mind and soul so what’s hers was mine and mine hers. We look alike, we sound alike, so what did it matter if it was her or me that carried it? It didn’t. It would be our baby and she would be aunt. Just like if it happened the old-fashioned way.
We agreed that we would do three cycles of trying and then regroup if none of those worked. My sister has never tried to get pregnant before and while everything about her checks out great and looks fantastic on paper, we are more than well-aware that doesn’t mean everything. But let’s see what happens!
She was ready right away and said we’ll start with her next cycle which was July. We didn’t have much time to wait as it would be just around the corner. We began preparing by ordering some tools. We’ve both seen and heard about the Ava fertility bracelet on TV and social media. It’s like a Fitbit for ladies to track their cycles and for the device to “read” data about your body every day and give you information. It’s had good reviews, and we figured why not try it out and see what the latest technology has to offer. My sister also somehow stumbled upon an at-home insemination kit called Mosie months and months ago; first she passed the info along to me as an alternative to paying the doctor to do it, but it was just a curiosity at that point. Mosie came right to mind this time and she ordered a few kits – they had a “buy more save more” deal so we thought sure! Why not? We’re going to try this for a few cycles anyway so the more we have the better. Those shipped shortly after too and before we knew it all our DIY tools had arrived.
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| Ava bracelet fertility tracker/monitor |
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| Mosie at-home insemination kit |
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| Mosie at-home insemination kit box interior; one of 2 syringes in the kit shown |
Her July cycle started and it was game-on. She was tracking with the Ava bracelet and texting me updates on what day she was on and how she was feeling. We were getting closer to the window of opportunity mid-cycle when ovulation would occur. We were skeptical of the bracelet only because it was new to us and neither of us knew anyone personally who had used it; so we decided to use a back-up of old fashioned ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) with some Clear Blue digital ovulation sticks. This was an experiment within our experiment – did the bracelet work? Suddenly she was thrust into the world I was achingly familiar with; pee on this, look at that, pee again – are we ready?!
Ava was tracking nightly and started to provide an estimated ovulation window with peak days. The OPKs weren’t flashing smiley faces yet, so we were getting nervous we’d miss the window. I told my sister to use two sticks a day just in case now, one morning and one night, because then we’d be sure to catch the peak times. Within another two days the Ava bracelet was alerting: peak fertility is anticipated. It’s go time!
July 4th
With that update that we might be in the 4 days of peak fertility I brought the Mosie kit home to get Dave’s contribution. There is a little cup with a lid to use for collection. I obtained his portion, screwed the cap on tight, and hopped in my car. Insemination courier was my role – giving Reba The Mail Lady* a whole new meaning! *This is a PeeWee Herman reference for those that don’t know
I drove to my sister’s house, prepped the syringe for her, brought it to her & left the room. She hollered when she was done and I sat and kept her company for the 30 minutes she needed to lay flat after. We talked about how crazy this was but how excited we were and giggled about life for much longer than the half hour. I loved it.
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| En route with the *ahem* special delivery |
July 6th
We wanted to maximize our chances of insemination working so used Mosie #2 two days after the first dose. Same routine: collect Dave’s portion, cap it up, drive it over, prep the syringe, pass it over. Sit, wait, have some sister time.
July 7th
Since ClearBlue hadn’t yet registered with peak fertility (the OPKs only give you a 2-day window whereas Ava will provide 4 … that’s where the “doubling your chances” claim comes in) we did a third dose of Mosie just to be sure. Collect, cap, drive, prep, wait.
July 9th & 10th
Clearblue hit its peak fertility! Ava updated the window based on my sister’s body data and now matched the OPK. Schedules were crazy on Monday 7/9 so we instead said we’ll do a fourth and final Mosie dose on Tuesday. I couldn’t believe that our tools were synching and looked like they actually worked!
July 10th
As planned, we executed Mosie #4. Collect, cap, drive, prep, wait. Ava confirmed based on her body’s data that ovulation was today!
Now the dreaded Two Week Wait. Only this time it was different. I was relaxed, I was excited. I even forgot at times that we were waiting to see if our wild scheme worked. It was completely different than the times before – it was so nice. She laughed about how it felt like she was carrying this big secret, and how she felt so responsible and protective of the gift we were entrusting her with. This was so weird, so beautiful, and so funny at the same time!
My need to visualize what was happening still kicked in so I plotted out her cycle with the DPO evolution of a fertilized egg so we could look at it each day and imagine what might be happening. It helps in times when there is no action to take, nothing you can do to change what did or didn’t happen, and at least gives the illusion of control and insight in a situation where you have neither.
July 24th
Two weeks after ovulation fell on a #ChampagneTuesday (my mom, sister, and I get together every Tuesday for dinner & girl time, and it usually always involves a bottle of champagne). I said a prayer on the drive over that my sister’s period wouldn’t have started yet. I almost didn’t want to ask to keep the hope alive for just a little longer. But you know me, I can’t not know. So I asked, “did your period start today?” And to our amazement she replied, “No.” She always ran like clockwork, you could set your watch to how regular her body was. She was due for her period and it hadn’t started. Not even a hint that it was coming.
OH. MY. GOSH.
There’s a chance.
July 26th
I pestered my sister for two days to take a pregnancy test, but she kept refusing. She didn’t want to jinx it and tried to get me to wait until the following Tuesday because then she’d be an entire week late and that would be really odd then. But after MUCH persisting I convinced her with some stats: she was 16 days past ovulation (DPO) and the odds of having it be a correct positive was 94.9%.
The test would be definitive and statistically couldn’t really get any more accurate. Let’s test and see – and she gave in (little sisters are good at wearing you down LOL) I put in a Target drive-up order of 2 boxes of tests. First Response (FR) was a pack of 3: 1-minute rapid, standard, and digital. ClearBlue (CB) was a 2 pack of digital. Just in case.
I drove to my sister’s house and her, my mom, and I gathered around. Dave stayed home, he was nervous and just wanted to hear the results from me. I can totally understand that, but I just had to be there. She was amazing in wanting to make sure I was as involved as I could be since this was my baby, and said she’d collect her urine in a cup and I could be the one to dunk the tests and see the results first. It was a wonderful idea that made me so happy, it’s as close to me testing myself we could get – but I was also so nervous. We decided we’d try the standard First Response with the pink lines first, and then confirm with a ClearBlue digital. I walked in the bathroom and dipped the FR test. I could barely open the package for the CB one when I watched with astonishment as the result spread across the FR screen … there were 2 lines. Clear as day. Pink and solid and beautiful.
WE’RE PREGNANT!!!!!!
I screamed immediately: “Oh my god! There’s two lines!” My mom and sister were in her living room and rushed in, in disbelief. They saw it with their own eyes and still couldn’t believe it. I started crying, and they urged me to do the CB digital to confirm or deny. That test is supposed to take up to 3 minutes to ‘think’ before displaying the result. It appeared within 30 seconds: PREGNANT
We cried, we hugged, I called Dave on speaker and told him. We couldn’t believe it. Our project, our insane DIY at-home experiment, worked. We are having a baby! We did a third test just to be sure – what would the odds be that two different brands across three tests would be wrong in the same way? In my hand I had three positive tests; our dream came true. Can you believe it?!!!
Dave is terrible at keeping secrets so he told his sister that next week and then we scheduled an impromptu visit to his parents for that weekend – we had to tell them too. It was their wedding anniversary coming up on the 11th so we played it off like we were swinging by to drop something off and then just happened to get them a card and gift. The card was normal, the gift however contained a positive test and a onesie. Their reaction was everything I’ve ever dreamt of and made it so real. We told them the entire story and they were so supportive and so happy. It was news I had been hoping to tell them for years, and news we started to doubt we ever would be able to, but here we were. It was one of the best moments of my life.
My sister called her OBGYN to make an appointment to confirm the results. On Thursday, August 9th her and I went to the doctor and settled in for an ultrasound. There on the screen, in black & white, was our baby. I saw the heartbeat fluttering. Everything looked fantastic. We met with her doctor next to discuss timing and next steps, and then we went to lunch to celebrate. It was crazy to see that with my own eyes and be able to share that with her.
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| Gestational Age = 6 weeks, 4 days |
August 23rd
It was time for our 8 week doctor appointment and to our surprise we got another ultrasound! Normally the office has a rule about how many folks can be in the room, but we aren’t normal. Dave, me, and my sister all filed in and got ready. And there it was again, clear as day in black & white, our baby. We couldn’t believe how much it had grown and changed in two weeks. It actually looked like a baby, with clearly defined and developing arms and legs. They pointed out the yolk sac and showed us the heart beat again. Miraculous, amazing, beautiful are all understatements. We got more print outs of the ultrasound images to take home and cherish, and they’re still hanging on our kitchen cabinet door right now.
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| Gestational Age = 8 weeks, 4 days |
September 6th
Week 10 doctor appointment! Blood work for my sister to send for genetic & carrier testing just so we can know more and be prepared just in case. The three of us filed into the room (we must look like an insane entourage – who else travels with that many people?!) and today we got to hear the heartbeat. Strong and clear, and again miraculous, amazing, and beautiful are all understatements. That was music to my ears and has me awestruck every time I listen to it. Her doctor says that at this stage the chances of a miscarriage are so small, and I heard in a video that once you see & hear the heartbeat it’s only a 3% chance of something going awry now. Anything can happen in the next 30 weeks, but for now things look great.
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And here we are. We hit the 12 week mark this past weekend and it feels like a major milestone has been met. We’re nesting and preparing and enjoying every single day. My sister has been through the ringer with all the classic pregnancy symptoms of nausea, insomnia, bloating, and I feel terrible for her. I wish I could offload the yucky side and feel that for her. But I can’t, so I will just try to be supportive and pray that she starts to feel better in the second trimester.
We’re in awe every day about our scheme that is working. Every time I see one of the ultrasound photos, hear the heartbeat that I recorded, or find myself nesting and preparing I am dumbfounded with wonder and amazement. God works in mysterious ways and I’ve learned to turn this wheel over. I give in and give up – what He wants to do is what will be done. For some reason this is the journey I had to go on, and in it lessons are learned about trust and faith. I am still nervous for each day, each week, each milestone, but I let myself be swept up in the joy and excitement more often than the worry.
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Love makes a family and there is no shortage to the love we all have for each other and for this little one on the way. Modern families come in all shapes & sizes, and ours is right there too. We are laying the groundwork for the legality of this arrangement but that is secondary to the total experience. We can never thank my sister enough for this, words will never be able to capture our humble gratitude, appreciation, and love for her. I told you, best friend or sister aren't enough to describe us - we are soul mates.
So there you are. Up to speed on how we got here and what’s next. We have our 12 Week ultrasound & appointment this week and I’m so excited. We’re all so excited. And I’m so happy to be able to share this with you all. You’ve been here for me in the ups & downs, and it’s time to enjoy this ‘up’. Celebrate with us and I’ll continue to keep you updated!
By the way, our due date is March 31st. That date happens to be the anniversary of my Grandma Trudy's passing. The namesake for this entire diary. Divine intervention indeed.
xoxo
